1 week

Melinda's Alley

I have not been doing too much the past couple of weeks. There was a lot of snow last week, about 6-7 inches, on one of the days I ran the South Farms loop but stopped after 10 miles because my legs got too tired from high stepping.

I have not picked up the guitar in almost 3 weeks. I had been playing consistently for a year, so I wanted to take a break. When I get settled into the apt I will start up again.

I like my new laptop computer, I won't have an internet connection at my apt so I plan to access the wifi signal at Lincoln Square mall a few times a week.

Leona's job was listed at the UPD a few days ago, the position will be open for internal applicants only, so that increases my chances of being chosen. I am currently working on my resume and the cover letter. Leona suggested I use her as a reference, it will look good that the person whom I will be training with for 5 months will be recommending me :)

In one week I will be starting a new life. My state of mind has surprisingly remained calm and focused on day to day living. I told the people at work about the divorce, it was not too uncomfortable. I feel bad for my mother, she is not taking it very well. I saw her at Christmas and she cried.

Getting Ready for the Move

Walking to Work

Yesterday Rachel and I went to Home Depot and bought a laptop. It will be my first laptop and I am glad I waited because it was only $400 and it is more powerful than our current desktop computer. It seems smart to hold off buying new technology because over time the product is improved and the cost comes down.

Rachel and I went to Target a few days ago to purchase miscellaneous items I will need for the apartment. We were having fun and it felt similar to when we went shopping 11 years ago for supplies for our first house.

The past 7-8 days my asthma has disappeared, which means I am sleeping through the night and when I run I feel as if I have come down from a mountain top. Urbana got more snow recently and yesterday I was running through it, feeling strong due to my fully functioning lungs. What a difference it makes, running is so much easier and enjoyable when I am not gasping for air with each breath.

Living on High

I ran the South Farms loop with Melinda on Thursday, it was great to see her and generous of her to share some time with me. The day was not too cold but there was still some snow on the ground - it was fun! Melinda ran strong and she set a pace that was faster than I normally run for the loop, but I was able to keep up (except when we did a couple of 75 yard striders, I was moving pretty slow). On our walk back to the house, munching on Jimmy John sandwiches, Melinda asked if I hated her - I guess she did not approve of a cool down in wintry, evening cold.... :)

The next morning I got a phone call at work from the manager of the apt which I greatly wanted. She said my credit check looked fine and later in the day, after the Christmas work party (bowling and pizza), I met with her and the current tenant and the apt was signed over to me. I will be moving in on January 8th. The apt has 2 bedrooms, a smallish living room, largish kitchen, and is in a house with 2 other occupants. I am on the first floor with nobody above, it's on High St, in my current neighborhood, only 5 blocks from where I live now. I am looking forward to forging ahead with a newly created life for myself.

The Kindness of Strangers

This past week I have gone on an apartment hunt. While the plan is for me to leave at the end of January, being already packed and mentally ready to go, if I find something sooner I will take it.

Yesterday I viewed an apartment on High Street, across the street from the Urbana City building. Upon entering I immediately liked it and told the woman who is subleasing that I would like to live there. Today I faxed over my rental application, if the owner approves I would move in on January 1st.

If the apt. on High Street does not work out I am viewing an artist's studio/garret tonight at 6:00pm. The house has its own website and is owned by someone who is obviously interested in the arts. I don't like that it is near Prospect in Champaign as it would make getting to work more difficult, but I won't mind walking/biking the extra mileage.

Being on the hunt has me pondering how a life can be changed from the kindness of others. If a person decides I am not right for the apt., I must continue the search until being accepted by some one's good will.

It is similar to a job search but not as difficult and not filled with as much rejection. Looking for a job is something which requires immense patience. Last night I was thinking about some of my job interviews, also a few other experiences which required the acceptance of another. In the times when I was accepted I knew beforehand that a favorable outcome was possible due to the person's facial expression and glowing eyes. I sensed a recognition of trust and approval, and in those cases the outcome was indeed good.

Walking into geometry class the day after an important exam the teacher stood at the doorway greeting the students as they walked in, and when I passed he had a glowing look in his eye, as if to say, "Amazing job!" I knew as I sat down at my desk that I had probably done well, and soon found that I had gotten a perfect grade.

In the 7th grade I tried out for the basketball team. I was small, skinny, short, surrounded buy tall black boys who were more athletic. The final thing we did in the tryout was suicide drills, which is something I loved to do. I noticed that most of the other boys hated them, but running full out brought me joy, and as I ran the final drill I noticed the coach looking at me with an expression of enthusiasm on his face. I then knew I had a chance to make the team even though I could not play basketball. The next morning one of my friends came running down the hall to my homeroom class, and out of breath told me - "You made it!"


When I was 18 I walked into Sear's warehouse, a dingy, dark place which did not inspire me, but I needed a job so I stood at a brown folding table set up in the middle of the warehouse and filled out an application with a few others. I figured I did not have a chance seeing how many people were hanging around filling in paperwork, but when I handed my application to the manager, who sat behind the table, he gave me a look which made me feel warm and positive. He had not even glanced at my application, but I felt I had a chance. Later in the day I was called and told I had the job.

Then there are the times when I know that the person before me has no liking for me whatsoever. Unfortunately these occurrences are more numerous than the above examples. As I am being interviewed I know I am wasting time, that there is no way I am getting the job. I would like to get up and walk out, but I don't, and the cursed interview goes on.

Apartment hunting is fortunately not as rigorous, and I am hoping to find a place which I will enjoy without having to endure too much rejection.

The Grateful Moon

The past couple of weeks have been strange indeed. Ever since Rachel and I decided to part ways our relationship changed from the monotony of a 15 year marriage to a blissful finale. Rachel said this period seems like a honeymoon, minus the sweetness. I thought for a minute or two and decided it was more like a grateful moon - thinking back on all the vivid memories and shared experiences makes me grateful for the 15 years we spent together. Tonight we went out for Thai food then stopped at the Rosebowl to see Caleb Cook, it was a fun evening.

This month I have been running mostly short and slow, but when I woke up this morning and saw the first snowfall of the season I had the urge to run the South Farms loop. Maybe it was the memories of running 3-4 hours in cold and snow last year that got me excited. I am not sure why I like running in difficult conditions. Two weeks ago there was a string of days in the 50's-60's, but I was content running 20 minutes and walking the rest of the way home. Today it was 25 with a stiff wind and icy roadways and I'm thinking "nice, today is a good day to run a long ways". So after work I hit the South Farms loop and ran 12 miles. The first hour my asthma was thorny, but when I got to the arboretum I felt the lungs go free and I smiled and took off. I had to put a face mask on when I reached the dirt road due to the bitter wind. When I finished the run I felt refreshed and happy - happy because this month Melinda will be visiting and we plan to go for a run together - knowing I can still cover the South Farms gives me confidence that I can keep up with her.