While on the walk I had a chance to examine all of the feelings directed at the sudden news of my sister's serious illness. It is not an easy thing to sift through because of the odd nuances which exist in our relationship. The reason I may have to miss the Hallucination 100 is because my mother asked me to be at the hospital for my sister's surgery. It is yet unknown when the date of the surgery will be, but if it happens to fall between the 23-26 I will not be able to run.
If I do have to miss the race, I considered registering for another one in the autumn, but after searching for races in the midwest or south, I could not find anything suitable. The Arkansas Traveler is in early October, and was one of the races I considered before registering for the Hallucination. The Arkansas deadline is Sept. 20th, so it is possible I will not know when the surgery is before then. The financial cost would be a burden, as I would have to pay the highest entry fee due to registering late, and I won't get a refund on the Hallucination entry fee.
It is likely that if I cannot run the Hallucination, the next time I could run a 100 mile race would be in one year's time. Since I am planning on taking the winter off, I would need to rebuild my fitness for 6 months beginning in March. Having to wait so long I have a bad feeling that it would be easy for something else to block my way for next year's race, thus thwarting my plans once again.
Then I came up with an idea which made everything with running seem good again. A couple of months ago Rachel tried to convince me that I should run 100 miles here in town, a one man race. Her motivation was she would get the entry fee in exchange of managing a small aid station. I thought about it briefly, but concluded that I would have no chance to finish due to the solitary nature of the run - I would be lacking the adrenalin and motivation which running with others would bring. I therefore would be slower, tire more easily, and be more inclined to stop when the pain began to settle into my legs. But now that circumstance may dictate that I miss my chance this year to run an organized 100 mile race, the "Urbana 100" may be my only option to participate in this form of Vision Quest.
I asked Rachel about it and she told me she would manage the aid station for no entry fee as long as I pay for all of the supplies. I now have a back up plan to make sure I can attempt to run 100 miles in 2010, so I have two races to plan for. I mapped out a 5 mile loop which begins/ends at the garden pavilion in Meadowbrook Park. The aid station will be in the pavilion (if someone has it rented for the afternoon we can move the supplies to the picnic tables outside the pavilion). I will set up a small bag of supplies somewhere along the South Farms road at the half way point, so aid every 2.5 miles will make fueling/hydrating not a problem.
I will have to run the loop 20 times. I give myself 1% chance of finishing the Urbana 100, but having attempted a 100 mile race will leave me without the regrets if I was unable to run one this year. To continue to put it off is a dangerous thing, as life is short and so many things could occur which can destroy one's ability to attempt such a run - injury, illness, outside forces - to toe the line is a small miracle in itself. To start a 100 mile race would leave me feeling satisfied and content, regardless if I finished or not.
