My Brother Stole a Chicken at the Fort Wayne Zoo

I have been borrowing blues CDs at the library the last few months, looking for music to jam to and be inspired by. One group I have been listening to is The Reverend Peyton's Big Damn Band. Feeling creative I made a video using Windows Movie Maker set to one of the Reverend's songs. When I posted it to YouTube I found a live version of the song which is amazing :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPEiU9Y6BEE&feature=related

Fort Wayne, home to chicken stealin' blues!

Talent

Walking home from work yesterday I was wondering about the interaction between mind and body when working toward a goal or intended result. In my case the current goal is to discover my potential with the guitar.

The language of music appears to be as complex as a spoken language. It took me 30 years of practicing English before I felt comfortable using it to accurately express my thoughts and feelings. While I am confident that I can learn the basics of music theory and expression, I am uncertain that I will be able to master the more advanced concepts and nuances.

Alongside theory is the physical play of the guitar. When I began 10 months ago I believed I would not get very far, but over time my reflections have convinced me that playing will not be as difficult as first imagined. I have accurate body coordination and quick reflexes, and have used these gifts for such things as baseball, golf, basketball (I suck at playing the team game but can accurately shoot when alone in a gym), tennis, table tennis, and running.

I can recall how difficult and foreign it was to swing a golf club and strike the ball properly, but after a lot of practice (hitting hundreds of balls daily in an open field) I developed a good swing and could hit the ball solidly. Weighing 135 pounds I was driving the ball longer than men who weighed more, which exhibited that my mechanics and swing reflexes were coordinated. I also took pleasure in the short game of golf, realizing that bigger men had no advantage in this part of the game. I became a good putter and can remember rolling in 30-50 foot putts.

Thinking about the evolution of my golf game I realize that learning the mechanics of guitar could be a similar process - put in the practice... watch what happens. During the past few weeks I have seen quick progress in all parts of my guitar play - chord transitions, scale play, picking accuracy, better strumming contact/sound. Even basic music theory is becoming easier to understand.

I went to the library this week and borrowed a beginner's guitar book because I wanted to refresh my memory on things already learned, and hopefully find a few new things. I placed the book on my music stand, sat in a chair, guitar in lap, and read from chapter to chapter. I finished 3/4 of the book in 2 hours, being able to execute most of the mechanics and understanding most of the theory. I plan to finish reading the book soon and am confident that I can get through the last quarter in one session.

Having achieved a comfort level with guitar basics I am now contemplating the concept of talent. This word has always troubled me because I could not discover the object it was supposed to represent. It is something invisible, the only clue to its existence being the end result. But results are not talent, but rather a manifestation of it. If talent is the internal force which produces a result, could not talent be considered just another word for will or desire? If I desire to do something, and will to do it, and the results are mediocre, the talent is then considered average. But if the results are superb the talent is taken note of as something good and rare, and the highest, best results are given the special distinction of genius.

Is talent a mixture of desire, will, intelligence, and emotion - a word that describes the inner workings of a person? In that sense everyone has talent in varying degrees, and to discover the specific qualities of an individual talent would require a thorough understanding of human psychology.

How is it that my efforts to learn guitar are now resulting in progress and pleasing results? Why did I not remain at the level I was at four months ago? The perception of better results makes me feel blessed with good luck.

Something more is required, though, than effort and practice. It is this "more" that I can't decipher. What is it that makes two people who give similar effort achieve vastly different results? When asked about his chess success, Bobby Fisher replied "I practiced a lot, then just got good". There were people who practiced just as much, or more, than Fisher, yet their results were not as spectacular. There was something in the psychology of Fisher's mind which made his results the best, and he was therefore considered a chess genius.

Eventually I will reach a plateau in my guitar play, my maximum talent level having been actualized - the goal of this quest is to discover how much musical talent is contained within my psychology.

After many years of wondering I finally have an idea about talent.

Perception

A few times throughout my life I have altered my mind by carefully choosing what to perceive. When I was 20 I decided watching television was harmful to my well being. I believed that by choosing to watch television I was ignoring my own life and destiny. Perceiving a few odd individuals do odd things on an impersonal viewing screen was not only a waste of precious time but a risky invasion into my mind of things with unknown intent. Reading Emerson one day, it occurred to me that watching television was destroying the integrity of my life. The belief and decision was so strong that it has been 24 years since I have watched anything other than an occasional sports game.

At that time I also decided reading magazines and newspapers was just as dangerous. The authors of the articles were paid to write on a daily or weekly basis, thus if they had nothing of value to write they still had to create something in order to collect a paycheck. The intent of the authors was also unknown. I concluded that the editors and owners of the newspapers were not interested in enlightening me, but rather, controlling my perceptions. The advertisements which littered the pages were attempting to alter my direction in ways which would not have been wise to follow.

I was also disturbed that what I was viewing and reading was being viewed by countless other beings, all at the same time. If I believed that the intent of the publisher/producer was to enlighten the viewers and readers, I may not have objected to mass perception. But the intent was unknown, my intuition believing it was a well oiled propaganda machine.

Cutting out these sources of perception I could feel my mind easing into a different place, one which appeared authentic and real. The things I read were written at least 50 years prior, the things I watched were directly before me.

When the internet was discovered and perfected I decided to allow myself to read AP stories which interested me. It somehow felt different from reading a newspaper. The advertisements could be blocked and it was easy to find articles/essays which were broad topically and geographically. I currently watch sports and read political/crime/sports articles.

Since recently deciding to pursue a spiritual quest I have been observing my daily habits and occupations. I feel that reading internet articles and watching sports is a hindrance to the peace and well being of my mind. I therefore will attempt to cut these things away from my perceptions. My mind has fallen into the addiction of perpetual entertainment. If I am successful in breaking the addiction I will have a chance to make progress in the quest. Until then my mind will revolve around things which are negative and meaningless.

Autumn Beauty

An amazing autumn week - sun and warm air, the brilliant colors of the trees, good health, lots of guitar playing and running, and the beginning days of my spiritual quest.

Since deciding to call it quits to racing my running has been productive, fast, free and fun. I have been running 3-5 milers to Busey Woods. The forest is filled with vibrant colors and because it has been dry the odors are crisp and refreshing. I had the urge to run through the night yesterday, my body must be on a 2 week time schedule for super long runs. I considered doing it, but Rachel treated for Indian food so my full stomach prevented any midnight madness. Today was in the mid 70's and sunny so I decided to run longer than usual and made it 10 miles before the heat made me quit.

Guitar practice is moving steadily along. I have been making fast progress this month, each session my fingers gain more stamina, coordination, and strength. Two nights ago I created a few blues lines on the pentatonic scale which required a hammer on, timed picking, and a 2 and 3 string barre. I have begun to work daily on vibrato and string bending. I have made fast progress on both techniques, it is rough on the fingers but the callouses are getting tougher as each session passes. Chord transitions are becoming smoother, I was going through chords in order of the alphabet and discovered that chords C/D/E sound great in sequence. My picking is getting better but I need to begin working on palm muting because the heavier strings tend to hum even if I strike them correctly.

The spiritual quest has begun, I have been disciplined with meditation, sitting 2-3 times a day, and I cleaned the house for 3 hours this morning trying to remain in a meditative state. Rachel thanked me for cleaning the house and I told her I was actually meditating the whole time, a tidy household being the result. Currently the biggest obstacle is my addiction to entertainment - movies, watching/reading sports and other misc. things will keep me from my goal of having a mind wiped clean of extraneous noise. I need to be weaned from these things and break the habit. I know I can do it, but it won't be easy. Once the unnecessary distractions are eliminated my mind should begin to settle into a quiet and peaceful orbit. Then the work begins.

I carried a camera with me on one of my runs this week. Here is a picture from that day :

Congratulations....

to Melinda for running an awesome marathon! I recently read her report and was impressed by her ability to run a negative split and go under 4 hours. Since I likely won't be racing any time soon, I will be enjoying the thrills of a race through the accomplishments of others. If you read this Melinda, way to go!

Transforming My Life

I continue to find myself in a cycle of accelerated guitar growth. Things are arriving quickly, so I try to strike while the iron is hot.

Last night as I lay in bed a thought flashed through my mind - "if I know the notes of an open chord, I can find those same notes elsewhere on the fretboard and create the same chord (would it be in a different key, or called a different chord depending on the root note?). So today the first thing I did in my practice session was to look at the notes of the open C chord, move up 4 or 5 frets and find the same notes, place my fingers upon the appropriate frets (a different shape than the open C), and strum the strings - it was the harmonious C, but at a different pitch.

Another example of guitar theory becoming more clear in my head is my understanding of the open chords. I recently became comfortable in my knowledge of the open chords A-G when I realized that I did not know the B chord. I researched it and found that the B chord was not open, that it needed a bridge on the 2nd fret. However, I had been using the B7 chord for my practice of the E 12 bar blues, but I did not know it was B7 until I did the B chord research. When I sat down with the guitar I went through chords A-G and felt confident that I knew them better than I had a few months ago. It was this more lucid chord knowledge which led to the bedtime thought of forming chords using the whole fretboard.

When I began the guitar quest in January I knew nothing, the fret board a blank slate ready for my pen and paper scraps. At first things went halting and slow, but I was daily filling the void - sitting down at the kitchen table to draw a fret board with all the notes labeled; printing out 11 beginner lessons from the internet (currently on lesson 8); learning how to hold the guitar and the pick; having the desire to practice for hours, but my fingers complaining after 15 minutes, forcing me to stop; going to two private guitar instructors, and having both experiences go sour (the first teacher wanting to change how I formed chords, the second teacher dumping me because of my questions and comments); attempting to learn and memorize basic chords and the pentatonic scale; and the persistent sense that I was close to being overwhelmed with my ignorance of the subject.

Throughout the lonely, dark beginning, I knew that it was the perceived difficulties that I was experiencing which made the guitar quest worthwhile - upon reaching the threshold of mastery, learning new things would become infrequent, and making the guitar seem fresh would become the new task at hand. And so I embraced the quest and the long path ahead of me. I do not want to be anywhere near the end because the point is to work with something for many years, to learn it intimately, and then, upon knowing and loving it, to let it go.....

Yesterday was one of those timeless autumn days which attaches itself stubbornly to the curious eyes of my memory - the warmth of the fading season, the colored leaves falling through the still and quiet sky. I sat on a wood bench in the solitary woods playing guitar, reading, eating lunch. I breathed the scent of dried leaves, gazing at the sun, piercing the silence with music.

I currently am reading a book entitled "Transform your Life". It is written by a Tibetan monk and he lucidly describes the beauty and rarity of being born human. The ultimate quest is the spiritual one - to become intimate with the mind - to observe and calm it, become its master. It is like an art - without practice, the mind falls into all sorts of negative attitudes - anger, envy, hatred. Sitting in meditation is the way to peace, the way to quell the things which can blacken a heart.

I am thus going to attempt to transform my life, once again. In my early 20's I followed the spiritual path for 2 years, and I luckily found the way to peace. Instead of pursuing the life of meditation further, I abandoned it for art. While continuing meditation would have been the wiser choice, choosing art was not a bad thing. I should have simply continued with meditation while practicing art, but better late than never. I have decided to seriously resume my meditation studies, perhaps I once again will find the way into the light of peace.

Freedom and Progress

Yesterday I ran to Busey Woods, admired the changing leaves and the smells of autumn, and ran a mile toward home. It was the first run in a long time where it was not meant for a future race effort. My legs felt fresh, my mind unburdened, and the old sense of freedom which running had once given me had returned. The last mile of the run was quick, and I sprinted the last couple of minutes.

I have not written about my guitar quest in past 3 or 4 months. Once summer rolled around my mind began to focus on running long distance and so that is what I wanted to write about. However, my daily practice of the guitar did not halt and I found myself making progress as each summer month passed. Now that racing has come to an end I will most likely write more about my guitar practice.

I am currently rereading Jamie Andreas' Guitar Principles book. The few simple exercises which the book describes have helped my fingers gain more relaxation and control. Whenever I find my pinkie or index finger jumping off the fretboard I return to the exercises to regain finger composure and strength. I usually begin a practice session using the exercises and then jump into other things.

The other things are soloing to blues songs, chord transitions, song learning, musical improvisation, and scale exercises.


Soloing to blues songs :

I love doing this and am slowly improving in blues technique. Before I could practice blues soloing I needed to learn and memorize the 5 patterns of the pentatonic scale since that scale is the one used most in blues/rock songs. I tacked a printout of the scale patterns on my studio wall and study it every practice session. If I get lost during a scale exercise or solo I read the chart to remind myself of where the notes are located on the fretboard.

I have been studying the scale for 6 months and am surprised I don't know it better. On the other hand I have the 5 patterns memorized and don't get lost as often when moving around the fretboard.

On the other side of the equation is having the fingers move efficiently from note to note. I am happy to say that there has been improvement in finger dexterity and coordination, making scale play more musically pleasing.

Having achieved memorization of the scale along with basic finger dexterity, I am currently working on techniques which transform the notes into blues music. String bending, back and forth quarter bends, slides, and hammers/pulls must be done with a quick effortlessness as one moves from note to note. I am currently far from the speed and comfort needed, so my current practice is focused on becoming comfortable with these techniques.

Listening to various blues songs has improved my musical ear. When I began it would take me a few minutes to find which key the song was in. Now I sometimes can head straight to the correct key in just a few seconds from listening to the first few notes of the bass or lead guitar in the song.


Chord Transitions :

After working on scales I will shift gears and practice chord formations and transitions. I find that my chord work follows the beat of the scale work - the more agile my fingers become in moving from note to note within a scale, the easier it is to move from chord to chord.

The first few months I worked on the popular major/minor chords, but lately I have been incorporating the lesser played ones. I have discovered that while on their own they don't sound great, but when hooked up with a major chord they become quite musical. An example is in the song Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles. The D chord gets the most emphasis but there is a beautiful part where it moves from E7 to D. The off sounding E7 becomes the perfect compliment to the full harmony of D. A full E chord doesn't work, as it would be similar to placing two bright colors side by side in a painting.

When practicing chords the right hand gets a chance to work on strumming and picking patterns. When doing scale work the picking hand usually moves in a sequential order, but I allow myself the freedom to experiment with chord picking patterns and strums. Holding a G chord I find that I can pick random strings in various patterns to make a large combination of sounds. When I combine another chord the possibilities of sound patterns become even larger.


Song Learning :

To keep things musical I am always looking out for songs to learn. House of the Rising Sun was the first song I learned and as I continue to practice it I find different ways of playing it. I have also learned We Are Going to Be Friends, Here Comes the Sun, Dead Man, and a few others. Since my fretting and picking skills are still at the beginning level I am not good at playing these, but as each month goes by I become a little better.

I have a long term goal of learning the classical piece Asturias. I currently can play the first 20-25 measures of it. One segment of 6-8 measures I find to be particularly difficult, but after 3 months of working on it my fingers have become stronger and I am making improvements with it. The main problem is stretching the fingers when moving from note to note. With practice my fingers have learned to stretch wider and I find that when I go back to playing normal chords and scales it is easier to do after having worked on the Asturias finger stretches.


Musical Improvisation :

Sometimes when the sun is going down, or I am feeling more solitary than usual, a musical mood overcomes me and I pick up the guitar and start playing. The more I practice the better the improvisation becomes.

Lately the improvements have been startling and it makes me want to practice more. I have reached the point of the quest where quitting due to being overwhelmed with new material and the subsequent lack of ability to do anything with the guitar is safely past. Without the proper dedication, discipline, and knowledge of what it takes to learn something difficult, it is possible to quit the guitar after just a few months. Sore fingers, not being able to make pleasing sounds, and seeming lack of progress will weed out the people with incorrect attitudes. Those not willing to practice daily, not willing to study, and who believe they will become proficient after 1 or 2 years of work are the ones who will need to change their attitudes, or quit. I constantly have to keep in mind that I am doing something which requires a minimum of 8-10 years of work before something good can be seen/heard. It takes a leap of faith to put in a lot of work when the results are not guaranteed, and if they do occur, won't be seen/heard for a decade.

Fortunately I have already been through the process with darkroom photography, and the sense of achievement one feels when the results finally do arrive is supreme. When darkroom photography was wiped out by digital I decided that I needed to find another activity which offered the same type of working time table. Digital photography is the perfect medium for the person who wants to see fast results without having to put in much work. After 3-4 weeks of study and practice one can master digital photography. After all, how hard is it to push a button, transfer the file to the computer, then tweak the image in Photoshop? The millions of superb images seen on the internet proves that anyone with a finger and an eye can make a great digital photograph. I want/need something that offers more of a challenge.

I know I will eventually return to painting, and thus resume my work with images, but for now I want to work with something which I believed I would not get to in this lifetime. Perhaps I can do both. After all, I currently practice guitar only 1-2 hours per day. I could possibly fit in 2-3 hours of painting and be learning two things at once. It is worth thinking about.


Scale Exercises :

I find scale exercises to be rewarding and fun. It is similar to running, once I get the fingers moving I can turn off my mind and just float for 25-30 minutes. Not only is it good for the fretting hand and the learning of the pentatonic scale, but the picking hand gets a great workout. I have lately seen big improvement in the accuracy of my picking. I don't strike the wrong string as much as I used to, the speed is improving, and the hand more relaxed.

Along with the pentatonic scale I find working with the chromatic scale (moving the fingers along every fret of the board) to be just as fun. It is especially difficult down at the first four frets since the arm is furthest away from the body. It is hard to stay relaxed with the arm stretched out and the fingers also stretched on the wider first frets.

Endings/Beginnings

5 1/2 years ago I ran my first race (not counting my one year of hs cross country back in 1980), a 5k which I ran in 22:xx. Last month I ran what will most likely be my final 5k, in 22:xx. In between those two races were highs and lows, injuries, goals met, and an overall sense of health and strength.

My final 2 races ended with not crossing the finish line. I've read how people dislike not finishing a race, that it somehow marks them as being weak-willed and soft. I withheld judgement on this attitude because I had yet to experience this until the past month. In the span of 14 days I came up short on a 100 and 50 mile race. While I was disappointed in not reaching the finish line there were too many positive things about these races to make me feel insecure or bitter. Having the strength and fitness to run/walk for 12 consecutive hours is a blessing, even if the goal was to go twice as long. Tired and sore, the glow of a long run is still bright, which makes my spirit rejoice.

I also found that being defeated by circumstance - the course, the malfunctioning of the body, etc. - is just as satisfying as being victorious. Upon deciding to stop in a race before finishing I am admitting that my limits have been reached for the day. How many times in my life will I reach a point where I say I can't go on any longer, that I gave it everything I had and still came up short? The 2 DNF's created a sense of wholeness and gave me a secret knowledge that I am willing to confront things which will beat me down and defeat me. To be vanquished is just as honorable as being victorious, as long as I hold the correct attitude in both instances.

On first glance it seems odd to end racing with two DNF's, as the redemption is left hanging, the supposed bitterness not washed away. But upon reflection I see it as the perfect ending - I bow in defeat, readying myself for a new direction.

My First Ambulance Ride

I ran the Farmdale 50 yesterday, and had to take another DNF when heat exhaustion symptoms overcame me at mile 39. Seeing that I have not been able to finish my last 2 races I believe it is time to take a break from racing.

I arrived Friday afternoon at Farmdale Reservoir and set up my tent in a big field surrounded by trees. I played my guitar, ate a supper of sandwich and salad, and went to sleep when it got dark at 7:30pm. The night air dropped to 40 degrees, so I got a bit chilled, but still managed to sleep.

I woke at 4:10am, got myself ready to run, and we were sent off into the dark woods at 5:00am. I was back to running in the dark, and it was fun. I noticed that my headlamp band was looser than expected, then I remembered Rachel had worn it last week. Since I was already on the run I did not want to stop and fix it, so I took it off my head and carried it until the sun came up at 6:30am.

My task was to run 5 x 10 mile loops. I finished the first loop in 2:07, which seemed a good pace for 50 miles. The course was changed from last year, it seemed more difficult with numerous hills and twisting bike paths. Most of the loop is similar to the 5 mile bike route at Kickapoo that I found challenging. I was worried that this years Farmdale course was going to tear up my legs with so much up and down and twisting and turning.

My legs were already a bit fatigued after the first loop, and as I started the second loop I decided that I would be lucky if I finished under the cutoff time of 13 hours. Even though I felt as if I was running slower during the second loop, I came in at 4:07, which means I ran it faster than the first by 7 minutes. I guessed that running in daylight had made it easier.

The third loop went well, my legs were starting to get tired, but there was little soreness in the quads. I made sure to walk most of the hills during this loop, and slowed down a bit, finishing 30 miles in 6:18. I felt good about that time, as the course seemed as difficult as the Devil's Lake 50k.

I started the fourth loop feeling alright, but at mile 32 my heart rate jumped and I could not slow it down. My mouth soon became dry, and I thus emptied my water bottle well before I reached the 5 mile aid station. The day had gotten warm, when we started I could see my breath and my hands were numb with cold. Now it was 85 degrees and I was feeling it. I was wishing that my heat training from the summer would help me out, but it had not been hot during the past 3 weeks and my body was having trouble adapting.

I decided to walk until my heart rate declined but unfortunately the walking did not help. It was an odd sensation to be breathing heavy while walking and it seemed ridiculous. I was now being passed by a lot of people but tried not to let it bother me. My mind was focused on getting my heart rate back to normal.

Throughout the race I had been periodically eating dried, sweetened pineapple chunks. Within 10-15 minutes of eating the pineapple I would feel an energy boost, so it was helping me avoid the valleys of energy depletion which sometimes happen during a long race. When I reached the longest hill on the course (about 250m) I attempted to eat the pineapple but I felt a wave of nausea overcome me and I had to spit out the food. I tried drinking the water I had left and also spit it out. I was still breathing heavy and walking up the hill was not helping. I knew that I would not be able to finish the race if I could no longer eat or drink. I thought about finding a quiet place off the trail and sitting down for a while, but I got worried that with little water left I would be unable to cool myself down, so I trudged slowly along, trying to get to the aid station at mile 5.

When I reached the aid station I felt pretty bad. I had decided on my walk that I would drop out of the race at mile 40. If I was thinking more clearly I should have dropped at the aid station. I was not in good enough condition to walk/run another 5 miles with the day getting hotter. I was able to choke down a small piece of banana and drink some water. I poured water over my head to cool off, then began walking.

I was still breathing heavy, more people passed, and I felt like the last person on the course. I had the urge to pee so I went off course and stood in a hot field for what seemed a long time before I was able to go. Soon I was out of water and the toughest part of the course was upon me - steep, rolling bike hills, one after another, followed by longer hills, then shorter hills, repeated over and over.

Walking was taking too long so I attempted to run. After a few steps I tripped on a root and fell clumsily onto the hard path. I scraped my knee and shoulder, managed to get back up, and began walking again.

When I reached the end of the bike paths and entered the grassy area which meant the levee was close by, I rejoiced. I stopped on the path, sat down, and removed my shoes to get the rocks out. A woman ran by and asked if I was alright. I recognized her from the start of the race, where she had said that she was planning on finishing in 13 hours. This memory depressed me. She was soon followed by an older man who ran by cheerfully and asked if I was alright. I nodded, and when I got back up I started to run. I made it 100 yards, and then had to walk again. I felt wobbly, had no water, my head was hot and my heart was racing. But I was almost done, only a mile to go.

Before reaching the levee, which is a half mile in length, I had to traverse a few steep paths through the woods. When I got to them I was worried about the levee, as it was unshaded. If I was unable to run it would take 10 minutes to cross. I did not know if I could make it. I looked up and saw a young man sitting on the path with medics helping him. He looked like I felt. Suddenly I felt worse, and had to sit down on the side of the path, 20 yards from the medics and the sick runner. I felt dizzy, nauseous. I put my head down between my legs and thought I would vomit. Mike the race director walked over to me, he must have been out here helping the other sick runner, and asked how I was feeling. I told him I was ill. I started to hyperventilate, my breathing was fast and getting faster, I thought I was going to pass out and I sprawled on the ground, face down. Mike was carrying a plastic gallon of water, he asked if I wanted any, I told him I could not drink but asked him to pour it over my head. If I could cool down maybe I would feel better. The water was surprisingly ice cold but I was still hyperventilating. Mike put his hand on my shoulder and back and told me to think about my breathing. I was ready to give up hope, but I tried to place my mind in a meditation mode, following the breath, remaining in the present. Within 30 seconds my breathing slowed down and I asked for more water to be poured over me. The water fell in big drops down my back, on my neck, and over my head. I smiled at how good it felt, and within a few minutes my breathing was normal, it was the best it had felt in a long time.

The medics walked over and asked if they could help. I told them I was feeling better but they wanted to test my heart rate, blood sugar, and other things. This took 10 minutes, and then they helped me to my feet and I was able to walk on my own over the flat parts of ground, and the medics and Mike helped me up the steep parts of the path. When we reached the levee I was placed in a fire dept. pick up truck and driven across the levee, where an ambulance waited. I asked the fireman if he could drive me to the start/finish area 1/4 mile away, but he said the ambulance medics wanted to look me over. I got into the ambulance and lay on the stretcher. They retested everything and found nothing out of the ordinary. They wanted to drive me to the hospital but by now I was feeling better, so refused. They called a doctor, told him what had happened with me and that I refused to go to the hospital. They had me sign a form and let me keep a copy and told me to call them if I felt sick again. They then offered to drive me to the start/finish area and when they stopped the ambulance I got out, feeling pretty good.

My race thus over, I found Mike, thanked him for his help, and lay down in the shade of a tree for 30 minutes. When I got up I ate some food, then walked to my camp site and took the tent down. The sun was still overhead and it felt hot as I worked on the tent. A few times I had to stop and get into the shade. Although I was feeling better I was weak and realized the best thing was to be in a cool room laying on my back.

I was able to drive home safely and after returning the rental car had a large portion of Indian food before sleeping soundly for 10 hours. It was the first night in 2 weeks where I had uninterrupted sleep, and I felt happy when I woke up in the morning.

While this race did not turn out the way I had hoped, I did the best I could and fought through tough circumstances. I will admit I am tired of the pain of ultra races. It is one thing to experience the pain and then feel the high of finishing, but when the finish line is nowhere to be found the only reward is patiently awaiting the pain to fade.

Having done what I could with short races, and now also the longer ones, I find my interest in any kind of racing to be diminished. I am being pulled back to my original way of running - being out on the trails running alone, an end in itself. No finish line to cross, nobody to compete against, just the sun and the trees, my body in motion and the thoughts which accompany it.

My original plan was to take time off from running, but now that I have decided that I would be happier if I dropped racing altogether, there is no need to end training, since training is also finished. Run when I want, stop when I want. Taking days off with no thought as to how it will affect a future run. The freedom of running has never felt so strong.

Hard 8

I have been sleeping somewhat better this week, although not in the best style. I get into bed at 9:30pm, sleep until 2:00am, wake up wheezing, lay in bed for a few hours waiting for the asthma to diminish, which it does around 5:00am. I then sleep soundly, albeit with odd dreams, until 7:45am. So 6-7 hours of sleep is not bad, and thus my energy levels have approached normal this week.

Yesterday I decided on a hard run at Busey Woods, the usual 1000m hard repeats on the trails. In the spring the recovery jog was 300m but I was able to shorten it by summer to 150m, and even though my seasonal asthma is upon me I can still recover with the 150m. I ended up running 7 reps, the first four I struggled with my breathing due to constricted lung space (65-70% capacity), but the lungs cleared and I was able to run the final 3 reps at 85-90% oxygen capacity. It was odd having the extra oxygen boost during a time when fatigue was settling in, so instead of getting slower I was able to run faster during reps 5-7. My endurance is currently high, I could have run 12-15 reps if I needed to, but stopping at 7 ensured that I would make a fast recovery. I don't plan on running again until the 50 miler this Saturday, so I have 3 days to relax and mentally prepare for the race.

Today after work I walked the cemetery hill for 2 hours. The day was perfect, 75 degrees with low humidity. The weather forecast for Saturday calls for sunny skies with a high of 80 degrees. When the race starts at 5:00am it will be in the upper 40's, so a full day of running will bring a large fluctuation in temperature. I plan to drink little during the first 30 miles, by then the day will be warm and I can start to drink more liberally.

Since I will most likely have congested lungs at the beginning of the race I will be forced to run the first hour at a slow pace. My asthma will therefore enforce a smart race strategy. The lungs will probably clear to 90% capacity after 10 miles and I can then start to push the pace. I believe I currently have a solid combination of endurance and speed, so even though my energy and breathing won't be optimum I have confidence that I can run a solid race if I don't make any mental errors.

I recently watched the film Hard 8, here is my favorite scene from the movie :

$2000 hard eight.....

Feeling Good (sort of)

I ran speed workouts on Wednesday and Friday. My legs were 90% recovered on Wednesday and 99% recovered by Friday. My bruised stomach is recovering at the same rate as my legs and feels 100% today.

My allergies kicked me in the lungs this week and I have been having the usual slug fest with asthma between midnight-4:00am. Monday and Tuesday caught me by surprise and I had little sleep, so I was walking around town feeling like a zombie. Wednesday's speed workout was tough because the energy low from lack of sleep is severe, and although the asthma during the day is not noticeable, when I run I can feel the constriction in the lungs which makes running fast difficult. Breathing was fast and hard and I had to stop after 1 mile of 150m hard/50m easy repeats. I breathed fast for 15 minutes after the run.

Friday I was feeling a little better because I was sleeping better. I slept for 2-3 hours on Wednesday and Thursday from 6:00-8:00pm and then played guitar until 10:30pm. Afterward I meditated for 60-90 minutes. The meditation relaxes my lungs, calms the mind, and suppresses the asthma. I am able to sleep through the night if I meditate for 90 minutes before laying down. The deep breathing somehow negates the effects of the lung irritation.

The speed session on Friday went a little better than Wednesday because my legs felt fully recovered and energy levels had returned to near normal due to more sleep. I still had a hard time running fast due to asthma but was able to go a little faster and made it 1.5 miles.

Seeing that my legs are doing well and I have no injuries I decided to register for the Farmdale 50 on October 9th. I won't be at my best due to allergies and asthma, so I won't set any time goals. I will attempt to finish the race and enjoy being on the trails from sun up to sun down.

I am concerned that my mental preparation is lacking. I realize that 50 miles is a long way, but I can't convince my mind to take it seriously. After focusing on 100 miles for a few months, 50 does not seem as bad. Knowing that I ran/walked 46 miles one week ago with moderate effort and little damage is leading to a case of over confidence. The main thing I need to remember is to drink sparingly, as the weather forecast is calling for cool weather.