Future Plans

With my lease coming to an end I need to decide if I want to remain in Urbana. I imagine living elsewhere, but having ended my marriage and moved into an apartment four months ago, it may be best to remain until next July. 

Next week I will be returning to a forty hour work week. In January I began working thirty hours a week, 6:00am-noon. My eight hour schedule will be 6:00am-2:30pm. 

I will try to save $500 a month. 

The USA is an expensive place to live, but what if I travel to a country where I can live comfortably for $500 a month? 

Morning Walk

Morning Walk I

Morning Walk II

Morning Walk III

Morning Walk IV

Sophia Sleeps

Detail #1

Detail #2

Somewhere

Water Street

Spring

Spring Morning

Sophia's Dream

Sophia's Dream, Detail

The Magpie

Detail from The Magpie

The Magpie

Found Art

This winter I took it easy with my running mojo and let days pass before lacing up the cross country shoes. I just don't like running in cold weather, and even though I numbed myself to it during my 16 month running streak, it wasn't exactly my cup of tea. So it is no surprise that I am woefully out of shape and overweight as the spring season arrives. The long rest period, however, has energized my overworked legs, and this week, with the warm weather arriving in spades, I have run for 5 consecutive days, knocking off the winter rust and a couple of pounds.

After my run on Thursday I was walking back on my usual route, and when I finished crossing the sushi restaurant parking lot on University Avenue I passed a dumpster adjacent the railroad tracks. I had a nice flow going in my head, thinking about Oregon, guitar, Zen, and drawing, when I noticed the edge of a matted picture sticking out of said dumpster. Normally this dumpster is filled with construction refuse, so seeing a colorful picture next to rotted planks and musty cardboard jolted me out of my reveries. I walked over to the blue steel container and gently pulled the picture out, being careful not to rub it against anything rough and dirty. The artwork was large, and placed in an 18"x22" white mat. I was impressed with the subject matter and the execution. As I looked closer I saw that the image was printed on textured watercolor paper, and the backing board behind the mat had a gallery stamp with handwriting, "Altman, 1986". Inscribed on the front left of the picture was "Printed in France by Mourlot", and on the right "Altman".

Looking around and seeing nobody, I decided that the picture was indeed discarded, and carried if off using both hands. I thought of a scene from the film Bobby G Can't Swim, when Bobby has to throw a $20,000 brick of cocaine into a New York City trash can to avoid getting busted by the cops. When he returns to the trash can to retrieve the brick he is unable to find it, and this is the beginning of the end for Bobby G. When I arrived at the Square I stopped at the frame shop and asked how much a basic frame would cost, and agreed to pay $38.

Before picking up the frame today I did some internet research on Altman and discovered he was a prolific lithographic artist. I also found information on the picture, which is entitled "Reflections". I hung the picture in my living room, and it reminds me that I still have some luck left in this life.

Reflections

Fur Elise

Fur Elise

Flowers on the Wall

Winter Walk VI

Last week I joined an artist cooperative. 

After paying the monthly fee I carried numerous drawings, paintings, and photographs to the gallery. I talked with one of the resident artists, Mehta. He was loquacious and friendly, sharing ideas on the creative process and even showing me his small studio. 

Before leaving the gallery I bought an oil painting for $40, which I hung in my bedroom.

Wolf 09

Drum and Bass

Winter Walk V

Last Tuesday I walked to Joseph's house. 

When I arrived I saw Joseph and Mike unloading gear and we walked into the house together and down the stairs to the music space, a small room with a drum set, amps, and guitars. Joseph and Mike talked for a few minutes and I stood around, and then Joseph said, "well, James, are you ready?" 

Crossroads

Winter Walk IV

I have not worked on my landscape drawing since the last post. 

After a winter of little running and much rest, I injured my right hip without doing anything. After a drawing session last week at the Square I found myself limping home. I am better now, and walked nine miles yesterday, but with warm days approaching I hope to be able to run when I want.

A few days ago Rachel and I were hanging out and I told her I was spending time contemplating my future. Within the next year I may leave Illinois and start anew somewhere else. Not getting Leona's job means I have no long term commitment to the park district. The main idea is to move west, preferably Oregon, and see what unfolds. 

Lurking in the back of my mind is the desire to practice Zen Buddhism. There are a few places in the USA which offer this opportunity, but there may be better places to study in Asia, at a cheaper cost. If I need to pay monthly room and board it would be financially wiser to visit Southeast Asia. I would want to learn the local language, and with an abundance of time to study it should not be too difficult.

When I mentioned this desire to study Buddhism, Rachel said that she too had been contemplating her future. She feels obligated to try dating, but doubted she would find anyone who made her as happy. She prefers if I did not leave Urbana, and said there is a possibility that when my lease ends in June we could get back together.

I am unsure what to think of Rachel's suggestion. It took time and effort to start a new life and I don't know if it would be a good idea to go backwards. 

Beautiful, Strange

Winter Walk III

Drawing in Progress

Drawing in Progress

Restructuring

Winter Walk I

Little Known Bird of the Inner Eye II

7 Notes +

Yesterday while practicing guitar I was doing one of the Principles exercises and my fingers and hand tension loosened considerably at the half way point (did the exercise for about an hour), allowing for faster and more accurate movement. While my fingers seemed relaxed when I started, it was shocking to feel the switch. I had a very slight impression of what a good violinist or master guitarist feels like when playing.

I was reminded of the year of meditation study in my early 20's, when one day after months of practice something switched in my brain - the normal state, which I thought to be relaxed and aware, moved into an altogether different realm, making me feel foolish and ignorant. One of the first thoughts which arrived was "do most people live like this, with everyone forgetting to tell me how to get there"? After reflection, I realized the answer was no, because most people who came into contact with me were angry, confused, and violent.....

(As I write this in the corridor of the Square, an older couple just walked by discussing the following - "I wonder how many people actually still use film anymore", "yeah, not many", "you know, develop their own film, use a darkroom" "professionals maybe". I looked up wondering why in the world they would be discussing something as arcane as film photography, when my mind made the connection - they probably had just come from the b/w photography exhibit at the coop, where some ((myself included)) had submitted silver prints developed in a darkroom. I had completely forgotten about the exhibit, and now I am inspired to maybe go and see it).

......and so I am wondering how many more levels are possible with finger/hand relaxation - maybe it depends upon the amount of time I practice and how much luck I possess. I have been watching some of the videos posted of students at the Principles website and a few of them practice more than I do yet seem tight and tentative. I guess like with anything, a bit of genetics luck is required.

As the night got late I decided to plug the electric in and make some music. I hooked the ipod to the amp and put it on shuffle. I discovered that I now have the ability to not only find the right key, but can listen to a riff and after working for a few minutes find the notes to play it. One of my favorite Lanterna songs began and I soon was able to play along with the riff. This made me happy, and after I got tired and put the guitar down it occurred to me that I can find the notes of any riff just by playing along 1 string. I almost always forget that the standard musical language has only 7 whole notes, and a handful of in-betweens. When compared to a spoken language, this seems very manageable.

I am also getting more skilled with bending.vibrato, my mind/body figuring out that if the thumb presses into the wood as I am making the movement, the bend/vibrato becomes easier to execute.

One thing which still eludes me is how to make a fast run of notes. I believe I have the necessary coordination but I have not learned how to sequence the placing of fretting fingers and pick. When I watch videos of fast playing I see that the pick is hardly moving at all, maybe 1 pick and then 4 or 5 notes are played until another pick, which tells me that the fretting fingers are pressing down making the notes sound out. Thus far this does not seem doable, but I will keep working on it.

Little Known Bird of the Inner Eye

I am beginning to create a way of living which is meaningful, enjoyable, and filled with mystery and excitement. I have been somewhat successful in eliminating the things which bring me no peace and do not contribute to my well being. I no longer read news written by the government, and have stopped following sports. Because of this my mind must confront from moment to moment what is directly in front of it - useless details and harmful gossip (which is what 99% of news and sports is) no longer have the opportunity to poison my mind.

By adding meditation to the recent subtractions, my life is once again thriving in a world created by my own imagination. Time has slowed, productivity is high, and common activities, such as cooking and eating a meal, allow for reflections upon the day's rich experiences.

While at work yesterday I was contemplating how to spend the rest of the day after leaving the office at noon. I decided that I would walk to the Square and work on another drawing.

Upon arriving at home I packed a lunch, hot tea, the laptop, and my drawing materials. I also carried with me 3 framed photographs, which I dropped off at the Art Coop (a new store at the Square), which is having an open b/w photography exhibit. I normally do not enter my photographs into competitions, but since there is no judge to accept or reject, I decided it would be nice to share a few of my pictures.

After dropping off the photographs I set up at a wooden table in the corridor. I have not yet had the chance to photograph any more old negatives, so while eating leftover pasta I visited my Flickr account and looked at some of the painting-like photographs I had made a couple of years ago. Those images were meant to one day be painted, and last year I began the project by printing 4 of the images on watercolor paper and painting over the ink with paint. The results pleased me, and I have one of the pictures hanging in my apartment.

Since I am now drawing again, I find no reason to print the photo-paintings, as I can draw them instead. While my hand will not be as accurate with lines and perspective, it allows my mind to slow down and closely examine the details of the scene. The process is therefore more meaningful, soothing, and memorable.

I decided upon an image which I entitled Little Known Bird of the Inner Eye, which shows my hand adjacent a sunlit wall spotted with heavy shadows. Upon the wall appears an apparition of a bird. It is one of my more imaginative creations, as the bird did not exist on the wall, and I am unsure where it came from.

After finishing my meal I began the drawing and finished half of the hand. As I began to pack up my materials I checked my email and found a message from Frank Ward, a man who manages a rum refinery in Barbados. Frank owns many of my best photographs, and he told me in his message that he was wondering what I was up to, so he searched for me on the internet and found my Flickr page. He was drawn to the set "Darkroom Work, 2009", and asked if he could buy 6 or 7 of the photographs, if they were still available. The prints in that set were the last of my darkroom work, and I still have many of them. After 18 years of work, all that is left are two boxes of photographs. It will be hard to part with the prints he wants, because I will not be able to replace them, but I won't refuse to sell them to Frank because he already owns many of my best photographs. It is a playful dream of mine to one day visit him in Barbados so that I can view all of the photographs collected together into one sunny room.

Wall Street

Wall Street, Test Sketch #2

Last night I dreamt of the Wall Street drawing. I was working it on a large sheet of paper, but a woman who sat next to me in Lincoln Square a couple of days ago showed up in the dream and looked at the drawing, then asked me to come with her. I did, and I never returned. When I woke, I had trouble deciding which part of the dream I liked better, but was inspired to work on the drawing nonetheless.

After meditating for an hour and cleaning the apt. I decided that rather than work in an isolated environment, it would be more enjoyable to be in a public place, so I packed up my drawing materials, laptop and a small thermos filled with green tea and walked 500 yards to the square. The corridor outside Common Ground is a pleasant area with little foot traffic, a nice place to spend a winter morning.

I pulled up the Wall Street image on the computer and began sketching in the drawing pad. While the dream had inspired me to work it into a large format, I thought it would be a good idea to make a more complete test drawing. Unlike the quick scribble I made a couple of days ago, I started with the hardest part, the side of the bank, followed by the figures.

Initially it was my idea to work in only the three main figures, but as I studied the image I decided that it would be best to include all the people because it seemed more true to the day.

I listened to music on my headphones, scratched down the lines, and soon got into a flow which made me remember my days spent in the darkroom. I could easily work 10-12 hours printing and yet it would feel like an hour. About half way through a young woman sat down next to me and it felt like I had re-entered the previous evening's dream.

Seven hours later I rose from my seat and stretched, too tired to put the finishing touches on the drawing. While I was able to complete the composition, I was unsure how to breathe more life into it. Usually when all the lines are put down the fun begins with the shading and erasing, but my mind was too beat to go any further. I am not sure if I will return to test sketch No. 2, as I plan to one day paint it.

The Beginner's Path

Wall Street

Paul Strand

I am currently working on my second drawing, from a negative exposed during my visit to Manhattan in 1992. I was searching for the spot where Paul Strand stood to make his famous photograph of Wall Street. I recognized the bank with the long, cavernous windows, and then walked up the steps of a building across the street. I sensed that Strand must have stood close by, so I lined up the angles of the building and aimed the camera. There were some elements of the composition I would have liked to erase, such as the bulky news stand and an ugly sign board. There were 3 people standing marvelously synchronized, but there were a few others who stood around looking out of place. I released the shutter and then listened to a black man preaching to a small crowd about racism. A large German man standing with his wife shouted to the black man about lies and the two shouted each other down.

Upon first glance the Wall street composition seems simple enough, so I decided to make a quick test sketch to accustom my mind with the main lines. As I began to scribble I found that the eye had fooled me – while the perspective is straight forward, there are numerous elements which the eye glosses over. I spent a few hours working out the difficult parts. The 3 figures will be challenging, as well as the part where the bank changes direction. I will be happy to leave out the news stand and the unneeded bystanders.

Wall Street, Test Sketch

******

One of the reasons I began this journal is to document the process of learning the guitar. More than my personal progress, I wanted to attempt to understand how a person of average ability goes about learning something complex. After 14 months of practice and progress, it is time to write a summary of the first phase.

The first thing needed was the inspiration to make the decision to practice and learn the guitar for a long period of time. Also helpful was the fact that I knew nothing of the instrument or music theory – I was going in blind, deaf, and dumb. Joseph from work provided the spark for me to buy an electric guitar, and in December, 2009 began the journey.

The next step was deciding how to proceed. Being ignorant left me feeling helpless and overwhelmed. Using the internet I sought out beginner's guides to guitar. I decided upon a site which offered a logical step by step approach. There were 11 chapters, and I am currently on Chapter 9. While being helpful and allowing me to take my first baby steps, what lacked was an overall universal plan which described how I could get to where I wanted to go.

The one thing I did know was where I wanted to be – possessing the knowledge and skill to sit with the guitar and produce sounds which reflected my emotions and ideas. However, I was walking the first mile of a thousand mile trip, and the only guide I had was a few lines drawn in the sand. What I yearned for was a detailed atlas clearly illustrating the traps, dangers, and dead ends which surely awaited me.

Not knowing of any guitar books written like an atlas, I decided a live teacher could show me the way. I chose one at random at the local guitar store, which was probably not the best way to go about finding a guitar sage - not only was I ignorant of the guitar, but also guitar teachers. I knew I had erred when, during the first lesson, the teacher put aside without reading the guitar goals I had taken the time to write out for him. Without knowing who I was and how my mind worked, how could a teacher get me to where I wanted to go?

I soon quit going to the teacher, and did a more diligent search for an appropriate master. I found a pleasant enough young man who was willing to listen to my ideas, goals and concerns, but within a few weeks time he decided he could no longer teach me due to my attitude of disrespect toward teachers in general. The only things I was learning from the master were things which could easily be found on the internet – chords, songs, how to hold the guitar correctly, etc. The purpose of the master was to inspire and make sure I did not lose the way. This second teacher was merely like all of the other teachers in other fields I had come across – a parrot which repeated things found in books.

I decided that while there were probably a few teachers in the world who could fit my idea of what a master should be, I was convinced that finding one would take as long as mastering the guitar. I therefore reluctantly returned to my step by step internet manual.

I was now wandering around in a thick forest, off of any clear pathway. Not wanting to stand still, I decided I had to move forward and used whatever sense I had to bushwhack my way to light and open space. There were times when I felt I wanted to give up, that the darkness which clouded my mind would be too difficult to remove. Yet I knew that these early struggles could be overcome if I just did not give up, so every day I entered the music studio and did what I could.

I continued searching for guides and teachers on the internet. I found a master named Claude who had created a software program which helped with learning patterns on the fretboard. This intrigued me and I began to use it. Claude sent me mass emails every couple of days, and I found his good humor and knowledge to be inspiring.

Soon after finding Claude I discovered a book called the Principles of Correct Guitar Practice. I had read a few of the author's online essays, and the Zen philosophy which flavored the ideas attracted me. I decided to buy the book, hoping it would be a partial atlas which could help guide me.

After reading through the book I was pleased with the direction it could take me. A few “simple” guitar exercises were the only physical things which I had to do. The majority of the book was aimed at creating the proper attitude in the student. I greedily took in these ideas of attitude change and began to practice two of the exercises.

The exercises are aimed at creating a relaxed, yet strong fretting hand, as well as a way to relax the entire body. The principles of Zen were once again evident – focus on the present, correctly breathe, relax the body, and at the proper time use the strength of muscle and mind. This philosophy of guitar is as close as I have come to finding the path which will lead me to where I want to go.

Summary of things learned after year 1 :

• Important to spend time with the guitar as much as possible.

• Fretting exercises should be done with the intent of creating finger strength, autonomy, and relaxation.

• Use effort to learn basic music theory – notes, fret board patterns, scales.

• Keep in mind where I want to go – use of the guitar as a way to express emotions and ideas.

• Spend time playing along to music which interests me (blues, instrumental solos).

• Glean information from as many sources as possible, and always be looking for a master teacher who fits my philosophy of learning.

• Never give up!

Playing the Blues

Lately I have been tuning into internet radio and listening to a stream of various blues music. With my apartment being isolated I do not need to worry about disturbing neighbors so I crank the amp and as it pulses the music I begin jamming on my guitar. Last night I did this and shook my head in wonderment as things which once seemed foreign now occurred without my having to think about it. Finding the correct key used to take me 20 minutes, as I learned more 10, then 5, now it takes between 10-20 seconds. I find one note which sounds correct, move up 2 frets, if that sounds off I know the 3rd fret is good, and I then quickly deduce the pattern I am in, which allows me to create a giant pattern on the whole fretboard.

Along with pattern knowledge, my comfort with the mechanics continues to improve. The pick usually hits the right string and the fretting hand is daily becoming more relaxed, allowing for longer and more accurate movements. This week my string bending and vibrato improved due to increased strength in the hand and fingers. The flow of knowing which notes to pick when soloing is also becoming more intuitive and clear.

All of the above are basics which have to be mastered before any music can be played or created, but as my surprising progress continues to unfold, the music aspect becomes more interesting and varied. It is so much like my experience with photography. When I began I could make 1 good negative out of 100 tries, and as the years went by and the amount of practice time accumulated, that ratio was improved until I was hitting 1 out of every 2, sometimes better. With printing, it took me 5 years before I made a print I liked, but it eventually became normal to produce one good print per darkroom session, sometimes making as many as 5 decent prints in just a few hours. With guitar I still have not made that first good "print", and like photography, it will probably come at the 5 year mark, so 4 more years of struggle until the music begins to magically appear.

With the above being said, the music is gradually surfacing in small chunks. Things appear suddenly out of nowhere - a phrase, melody, or bass line. One recent example being the main riff from Cream's Sunshine of Your Love. By accident I played the first 3 notes of the phrase, recognized it, and then pieced together the remaining 7-10 notes. Last night I found a phrase from a song by The Doors. Along with the well known phrases, I find I am constantly coming up with original ones. It reminds me of the writing process - piecing together words in a pleasing way to convey a mood or atmosphere.

Another new ability is I can now play comfortably standing up. I recall the first time I tried it I pulled a muscle in my foot, strained my neck, and the guitar felt heavy and cumbersome. My muscles have now become adjusted to the weight and shape of the instrument, so things have become much easier.

I have kept my old photography attitude about the learning process. I never wanted to take a photography class because I thought it would hinder my progress - I knew what I wanted, and I had the confidence that my mind and spirit would be able to figure out how to achieve it. In the end that assumption was correct. When I began guitar I recognized that music is more complicated than photography, so I decided a teacher was needed to teach me the basic grammar and spelling rules. Now that I know the bare bones of notes and playing mechanics, I believe the rest of the journey should be traveled alone. I know what I want from music, and the task is to find out how to get it. That after all is the point of doing it - the challenge and fun of bringing into reality the music which already exists inside of me.

Drawing I

Chicago Winter, Morning

Today work was canceled due to a severe winter storm, although I think in this case what the weather was forecast to be influenced the perception of what actually happened. 1 foot of snow isn't exactly stay home weather, but I was happy to remain indoors and work on the drawing which I started last week.

The first session with the drawing I stopped with only 1/4 completed. The perspective of the bridge was a bit tricky, but the fact that I had not made a drawing in so long made my confidence waver when looking upon the initial lines I had put to paper. While I was aware that the beginning of any drawing is not going to look very good, I still doubted whether I could push past the first awkward looking lines.

So I let the drawing sit for 6 or 7 days on my kitchen table where it could taunt me by the hour. A few days ago I had a dream that I sat down to the drawing and picked out a pencil which marked dark, heavy lines. It helped to create the shadows needed to offset the stick figure lines which I had begun with. When I woke from the dream I was pleased and confident that I could finish the drawing. Not only is it pleasurable to observe the mind create detailed works of art, but I now believed that picking a shading pencil would help me finish the drawing.

Today I sat down and chose a thick charcoal pencil and began to draw, shape, shade, erase - my mind got into that special flow where time stops and the only thing that matters are the lines on the page.

Learning to Read

I am becoming accustomed to my new lifestyle. Living alone I have longer strands of uninterrupted moments, and this leads to more focused attention on whatever task is at hand. I have been practicing guitar 1-2 hours a day, my fingers have toughened up quickly after a one month layoff. I have also noticed another jump in progress.

A few weeks ago I decided to buy a cord which hooks up the ipod/computer to the amp. I am not sure why I did not do this earlier, because it is great to have the guitar sound and the backup music emit from the same source (also a nice sound when playing movies from the computer). I have the laptop set up on a small stand next to the amp, and when I want to practice to backing tracks I link to YouTube and jam away (I forgot to mention that I can connect to the city wifi from my apt., but the signal is choppy so it does not work all the time).

Yesterday I wanted to jam to backing tracks but could not get a steady internet signal so I plugged in the ipod and put it on shuffle. For most of the songs I was able to find the appropriate notes/scales and play along easily enough. What surprised me was the ability to play along with any style of song, rather than just blues. But even more than that, I found myself playing without having to over analyze what I was doing - it felt like speaking or writing - After 13 months of practice I had finally reached the point where playing the guitar felt somewhat natural and easy. I felt a comfort with the pentatonic scale which had been missing, I was able to mesh all the patterns along the frets so that it felt like one big pattern, at least for the bottom 3 strings. The coordination between fretting and picking hand had also improved, the two working together without over thinking everything. Consequently the speed increased, which made the notes begin to sound like music. The vibrato was also sounding better, although that still needs a lot of work.

I was reminded of the day I learned to read - sitting in front of the tv watching a Bugs Bunny cartoon (I was 4 or 5 years old), I was able to read the credits at the end of the cartoon - it was a beautiful feeling as I was able to string the words together with speed and clarity to understand the meaning behind the symbols. Having reached the first plateau of the guitar quest makes me excited, and makes me want to practice longer and harder.

Surprise

I was left a voicemail this morning from Dottie at work. She said a letter was waiting for me on my desk, and that I would be pleased with it. I took this to mean that I was offered the job I interviewed for a few days ago. I decided to go into work and retrieve the letter, and a couple of hours later I opened it to find the first sentence of the letter stating that the job had been offered to another applicant. My mind can usually anticipate the correct sequence of cause and effect, but this time I was completely inaccurate in my deduction. Wondering how I could possibly be pleased with not being offered the job, I read on to find that I was being offered expanded duties in my current position, and beginning on May 1st my job would become a 40 hour per week, full time position.

After thinking over the letter I agree with Dottie's prediction that I would be pleased, although the outcome was far from what I had imagined. I get to keep my current position but with 10 added hours initially, and going to 40 on May 1. Completely unexpected, yet still a favorable outcome.

Beachcombing

First Month in Chicago, Winter, 1991

I'm working on settling into my new apt, and am beginning to feel comfortable. The living room has the guitars, amp, and computer, the kitchen is filled with green plants and a table for me to eat and work on, and one of the bedrooms is set up for painting.

Yesterday I listened to one of Will Basinski's Disintegration Loops. The piece is 45 minutes long, I love running to it when I am out on the snowy South Farms route – white space in all directions, the wind messing with my balance and resolve – the music makes everything settle into a dream reality. So yesterday I plugged the piece into my amp, and then picked up the strat guitar. I lit a couple of candles and let the piece sink into the room and I began to hit the strings with the pick. I soon found that the notes F, D, G, and A # worked well with it, it was pretty cool to hear the sounds of the guitar mesh with the music in the amp. After 35 minutes of playing along to the ethereal music I discovered that what I was playing was the G pentatonic scale. Once I realized this I was able to play many more notes, and much quicker, as I have the pentatonic scale memorized. When the piece ended I wanted to play it again but my fingers were sore. The month long lay off has made them a bit soft.

The full time job opening at the UPD will soon be decided. I submitted my resume/cover letter, which I feel confident about, and then I was required to take a test at a local employment agency. I ran 4 miles in snow to get there, and then ran back after I completed the 90 minute test. I feel I did well in 3 of the 4 categories, but I messed up the data entry part by reading the wrong list of numbers. Tomorrow is the final step, a group interview with 5 people at 10:30am. I have no illusions about my interviewing skills, I pretty much suck. I plan to run 8-10 miles at dawn tomorrow, that should put me into a favorable state of mind. Regardless of the outcome, I believe I will be happy with the future direction of my life.

I have a project in mind. I want to look back at my old film negatives and interpret them not with chemicals, but with a pencil. I would like to make drawings based on the negatives. I will study the negatives on a light box, and then make digital photos of the ones which interest me. I will work the negative photos in Photoshop, first inverting them and then paring them down using filters so that they resemble a drawing. I will then use the digital study to aid me in my drawing. I would like to make 20-30 drawings from each period of my photography quest.

I am rereading Beachcombing at Miramar by Richard Bode. I came across this last night –

“I left my marriage exactly as I entered it three decades earlier. I had no mortgage, no credit-card balance, no bank loans. What I did have, somewhere in the middle of my mind, was a gyroscope, pointing me in a direction, telling me where I had to go. I set out, driving through snow-covered cornfields and prairie, crossing the Continental Divide, going from one coast to the other in quest of a place that felt like home.

And now I am here, walking the beach, watching the fist-sized shorebirds as they feed. They have no cache, no hoard, no store; like me, they live by their wits, taking what they want from the sea.

How is it, I ask myself, that I have so little money, yet I live so well?”