Letter to Rachel - Bangkok Gaze

Dear Rachel,

Sitting on the sprinter train at 16:57 on Monday, April 30. The sun is scorching the distant hills and the late afternoon light shines heavily through the scratchy old rail car windows. My seat, a second class air con, has a broken seat adjuster and I used a piece of black cloth tape to secure the beverage tray. I congratulated myself for 1) bringing the tape along in my bag, and 2) having the scissors to cut the tape. The refreshments lady sold to me a “big” bottle of Chang beer for $5, and although that is quite a sum I somehow managed to save $60 on my electricity bill when checking out of my apt this morning. I was expecting to pay 2000 baht, but the total was only 280. I questioned their math, but the manager waved it off, so I gave her a 100 baht tip to show my appreciation for her faulty calculation. Perhaps it is Karma at work, as I was shorted 600 baht when paying my first month's rent back in February (forgot to collect my change!) I was a tiny bit concerned about receiving the full amount of the 12,100 baht deposit, but everything went well and I am now roaming around with a lot of baht in my pocket. Having become a resident of Chiang Mai these past few months, I stopped wearing a money belt because I felt comfortably safe. Having lost 8-10 pounds, I find the belt is now easier to wear.

My fitness is pretty high at the moment, and I surprised myself by walking 2 1/2 miles this morning to the Backstreet Book Shop off Tae Phae Gate with 35 (feeling more like 45) pounds on my back so that I could buy Kerouac's Lonesome Traveler. I figured once in Bali I may not have access to good books, so I have 3 presently weighing me down (Orwell and the philosophy essays your father gave to me). After buying the book I walked another mile in high heat until finding a tuk tuk driver to get me to the rail station for 80 baht. I was hoping to take a red truck for 50 baht but the one's I flagged told me they were not going in that direction. By the time I found the tuk tuk I was tired and hot, so gladly paid the 80 baht. As the driver weaved through the sooty traffic I was reminded of my first day in the city, riding a tuk tuk to Tae Phae Gate, a lost and lonely traveler.

I must have quite a positive glow at the moment. A few days ago a guy standing behind me at the Tops cashier counter told me I had the look of a handsome Irishman (is there such a thing?), and the following day I was walking to my apartment after a satisfying workout (14 sets of exercises!) and I noticed 2 girls 40 meters ahead, one with a beautifully cut and colored skirt. As I gazed at the skirt I noticed the other girl say something to her friend and they both turned cautiously towards me. When they saw I was gazing at them they turned to look at a nearby pot of flowers. As I passed, the girl with the skirt turned toward me and gave me a flirting smile with inviting eyes, and I could not help but to smile back - as I continued to walk I was reminded what it felt like to be 20 years old....

Made it to Bangkok after an 18 hour train ride. The 5 dollar bottle of Chang did me in because I drank a smaller can of Chang just before (I told the lady I wanted it in 2 hours, she brought it a few minutes later) and I had the unpleasant feeling of motion sickness while being drunk during the night - each time I nodded off I would jolt awake with a feeling of nausea, so I had a few fitful hours. There was a couple in the seat ahead of mine, with a baby in the mother's lap. The baby cried once, for less than a minute, during the entire journey - I wonder if all Thai's are born with the heart of a golden Buddha?

I am sitting in my hotel, 7th floor corner room with an open view of interminable buildings, blue sky, and the occasional roof top sun bather. When I departed the train I was fearing the weight of the pack after sitting cramped all that time, but I managed well enough and navigated my way to the hotel - walking to the Hua Lamphong subway stop, buying a self serve ticket to Lumpini, remembering to keep the token so that I could exit the subway gate. After exiting the station I visualized the instructions I had written for myself the night before, and began walking down the morning street, the sidewalks wide and with just enough people so that I did not feel self-conscious. When I saw the overpass and the green turn off sign after walking 600 meters I knew the hotel was just around the corner. I walked down the narrow soi, passing a group of 10-12 motorcycle taxi drivers whistling Dixie while sitting on their bikes, and I told myself I did an amazing job after a night of little sleep. I continued walking, looking left, right, forward and backward but saw no sign of the hotel. I backtracked, passed the smiling drivers, and turned back onto Rama IV Road and walked a bit with some confusion descending.

I stepped into a Tesco Lotus and asked the counter girl the whereabouts of the hotel, and she pointed me to another woman, who pointed me to another, and soon all three were giggling and pointing me in no certain direction. Exiting the store I knew I had counted my congratulatory chicken before it was hatched. I was getting the sticky, paranoid sensation of being lost in Bangkok once again. I passed a security guard sitting in his small shack and stopped to ask directions. He pointed me back the way I had come so I turned around and soon passed the motorcycle taxi drivers again, still lazing in the shade, and turned back into the soi. A woman shading her face with a newspaper was walking nearby and she looked western so I decided to ask if she knew the way to the hotel. When I spoke I saw that she was Asian and had no desire to speak with me because she continued walking without turning to face me. I apologized, thinking perhaps she took me for a man on the prowl. I turned around, feeling self conscious, hot, the pack on my back feeling heavier. I passed the motorbike boys again, who no doubt were amused by the farang wandering back and forth in the heat of the morning. Back on Rama IV I decided to walk in the direction of the subway station and when I reached the corner of the next soi a taxi man in helmet and black goggles asked where I was going. I told him I was looking for the Pinnacle Lumphini Park Hotel, and he pointed me down the soi. After walking 30 meters I saw the hotel sign and walked into the pleasant, cool lobby, checked in, and was upgraded to a deluxe corner room with the above mentioned view.

After settling in I checked the internet connection and when logging into my email discovered a message from The Dome in Chiang Mai. The manager had written

Dear Mr. James

I’m The Dome staff, today you moving out and I make mistake about your electricity I calculate your electricity wrong it short 1,064 baht. Please came to pay these amount at the front desk. If you don’t come to pay my boss will deduct this amount for my salary.

Please *payment within 1/5/2012

Best regards,

The Dome

So the 280 baht electrical bill was a mistake after all. I have no problem with paying the bill, but I remembered the 600 baht which the hotel still owes me, and how they showed little interest in correcting the mistake which I had made. The situation now being reversed, the fair thing to do, in my reasoning, is to pay the bill, minus the 600 baht which they owe me. I am under no obligation to pay the remaining amount because I have a signed receipt which states the electric charges were 280 baht (along with my questioning if that amount was a mistake, and being waved off). I sent a reply that I would be happy to pay the bill, explained about being shorted 600 baht when I had checked in a few months ago, and that I intended to pay the difference. They responded with

We are very sorry about your electricity bill. The amount of electriccity bill inform you it is wrong amount. The cost of electricity is short 1,659 baht(Electricity meter on 26/9/2012 is 4963, 30/4/2012 is 5240 = 277 unit multiply 7 baht/unit=1939 already paid 280 baht the balance is 1,659 baht)deduct 600 baht, The remaining balance you have to pay = 1,059 baht.
please payment by transfer money to bank account as below.

I knew the manager was padding the bill so that she could collect the full amount, and I responded that the amount must be a mistake because it was double the amount of the last bill. I offered a compromise of a 500 baht transfer into their bank, on condition that I could locate the bank in this massive city, and figure a way to get the money into their account before leaving in the early morning of May 4. So my plan is to find the bank and transfer 500 baht, which I consider to be a good thing to do, knowing that if the hotel were in my shoes their likely action would be to tell me “tough luck, Joe” ...

....I wrote the above last night. Before going to bed I made use of the Eastern version of The Book which magically appears in dusty hotel night stand drawers - The Teaching of Buddha. I have been looking for a book like this for a long while. The Urbana Library has many 2nd party texts explaining the meaning of the Buddha's Dharma, but I could not locate the original writings. I am tempted to take the book, leaving a 50 baht note in the drawer as a replacement, but I don't know if Buddha would approve.

I walked to Lumpini this morning and did a round of exercises in the stifling, humid air. It is hotter than Chiang Mai, which is hard to believe. I returned in time for the free hotel breakfast, which I expected to be stale white bread stacked next to a toaster, along with generic corn flakes and coffee. I was pleasantly surprised to find an elegant restaurant with a full spread breakfast buffet. The sets of exercises made my appetite ravenous and I put on my plate an omelet (which had a bit of ham in it, oops), a fried egg, cubed, fried potatoes, fresh cut pineapple and watermelon, a saucer of strawberry yogurt, stir fried veggies, and a glass of pineapple juice. Everything was delicious, so I am looking forward to tomorrow's fare as well.

After the earlier than usual meal I took a long nap and woke at the unfortunate hour of noon. I knew I had to go looking for The Dome's Bangkok branch bank, and the internet directed me to a street about 1 mile away. Knowing Bangkok maps and the reality of its streets, it was not going to be a walk in the park, especially under the early afternoon sun.

I set out and within minutes could feel the sweat beading on my forehead. I forgot to bring a water bottle, but could buy one along the way if needed. When I came to the end of the street where the bank was supposed to be, I was not surprised to find any sign of a bank. The busy street curved left and I followed it, knowing I was on my way to getting lost. I planned to jump into a cab at some point with the directive “Lumpini Park, stat!” I walked along like a lost pup and miraculously came across a string of banks, all within the same building - Kasikorn, Siam Commercial, Krungthai. I held out hope that The Dome's bank would soon appear, and there it was - Bangkok Bank! Very fortunate, as I was wandering around hopelessly, a few minutes from turning back defeated. I walked into the air conditioned lobby, let out a pleasant sigh, and was soon seated at a banker's desk with interpreter, and as I told my unusual story I pulled out a piece of paper on which was written the The Dome's bank account number, and the banker asked “money transfer to Dome?” I nodded and handed them a 500 baht note . “30 baht fee ok?” I nodded again. The transfer now complete, I walked out feeling better about everything, hoping The Dome manager would also feel some relief. As I walked down the crowded, sweaty street I realized I was never given a receipt.

I am in my room, it is 4:00 pm, and I look through the large dusty windows and across the wilderness of Bangkok. Soon I will be going back to Lumpini for another workout, this time running loops. This morning as I exercised I saw a group of ravens flying about, at first I thought them to be crows, but when I got a closer look I saw they were larger, with long, black beaks - a beautiful bird.

There is a night bazaar across the street from my hotel with many food vendors. After yesterday's run I walked back to the hotel soaked in sweat and a murky dusk light, famished, feeling the glow of fitness and health. I walked along a side soi filled with food stalls which were lit with hanging lanterns and bare bulbs, the smell of smokey charcoal and fried fish and prepared chili's permeating my senses. Believe it or not I got the courage to buy something - a vegetarian noodle dish with mushrooms. During my 3 month stay in Chiang Mai, I could not summon the will to buy from a food stall, other than fruit, fearing I would be given a meat dish. I guess the options of ordering room service at a cost of $10, or a packaged meal from 7/11, forced me to take the plunge, and it was worth it - the meal was excellent. I plan to go back after tonight's run and order two servings.

Soon I will be flying to Bali, and will once again be a lost and lonely traveler, perhaps not such a bad thing after all....

Returned from the evening run at Lumpini. The park is a jewel, reminding me of Central Park in NYC. It is filled with runners and walkers, people gazing into space on wooden benches, Tai Chi groups moving gracefully to music. At 6:00pm the loud speakers, which are hung throughout the park, play the Thai Royal song, or something of that sort, and everyone stops where they are, standing at attention, with arms at sides, reflecting on whatever they care to. Yesterday I was oblivious to the custom, and as I walked about noticed that the world around me had become motionless. I decided to do the same, so stopped and stood, listening to the tinny song trumpet into the orange shadowed sky. Today I was ready for it, I had finished my run 5 minutes prior, and was walking away from a stall vendor with a cold water bottle in my hand. As I poured it over my head I noticed a woman next to me standing at attention. I looked about and noticed the peculiar stillness. An older gentleman appeared to be praying with his head bowed, while most stood with arms straight and eyes level. I quietly stood straight, feeling the ticklish bliss of the cold water drops falling across my face. When the music stopped life started rolling again and I began to look forward to walking down the dark sois where the food vendors were set up. When I arrived I found the fruit stall, tonight she had fresh mango and watermelon, and while she cut the fruit with a large knife I petted a toy dog which was standing on the platform of an adjacent cart. I could not find the noodle cart, so I settled on a hodge podge of rice, salad, and a whole smoked fish (sorry).

When I returned to my room I ravaged the meal in the delicious comfort of the air conditioned room. Later I checked my email and found another message from The Dome, it said

Dear Mr. James
Thank you for your kindness. We accept payment of 500 baht
And apologize for any inconvenience.

Thank you & best regards,
The Dome

I was now at ease - it is a rare occurrance where through no wrong doing of my own I was caught in an event which required caution, kindness, and a firm grasp of fairness. I can now leave Chiang Mai behind, and prepare for the next destination : Bali.

Hope all is well with you!

Love, Jim

Chiang Mai Farewell

ipod after getting toasted at Songkran

Woke at 5:30am and got out the door for a run as the light of a new day was etching itself into the city. I was up and out earlier than usual so I decided to do the 5 mile mote run. I sat in my apartment yesterday and didn't do a darn thing, and it paid off because from the first step I was gliding at a good speed with little effort. Before I knew it the run was over, one of my best yet. During the run I thought of the first mote run, back in early February, and realized just how far my fitness has come in three fast months. I have lost 8-10 pounds, with muscle, fat, and endurance all advancing in the proper direction.

When I got home the time had come to say good bye to my guitar. Two weeks ago the high E string broke, so during that time I have been learning to play 5 string guitar. Surprisingly I did not find it to be a drag. The first few days my fingers continued to press down on the frets of the ghost string, but then stopped soon after, so when I finally get back to my electric it will take a few days to readjust to the usual 6. I am having a hard time understanding why I continue to make decent progress. Some days I don't play at all, and most of the time the sessions are only 1-2 hours, but I was still rewarded with insights and a furthering of skills. One thing which I had not even begun to grasp during my time in Urbana was the wrist turning vibrato which is so critical to the blues sound. Without focusing too much upon it the past few months in Chiang Mai my own style of vibrato has sprung into being, and I am guessing with one more year of practice I will have acquired the ground level skill. Another thing I gained is the ability to slide quickly to any fret, now intuitively mixing the slide and press. Along with those two skills, I tried hard to further my understanding and memory of the pentatonic scale. I no longer see the scale solely as five sets of boxes, but can now visualize the notes on each string. I have learned where the notes are in relation to adjacent strings, so if I know where I am on a string, I can fluidly move to the next string and not lose the pattern. My picking skills have also increased, which in a way startles me because I find picking to be the hardest part of learning the guitar. No matter how gracefully I can fret, if I can't find my way to the correct string with the right hand, it all falls apart. The right hand has to also produce the speed in relation to the rhythm. In a sense I am learning two separate skills - left hand pressing, sliding, vibrating, hammering; and right hand picking and rhythm. Is it any wonder that I have been working with guitar for over two years and have not yet crossed anything more than superficial barriers? I also have been constantly practicing House of the Rising Sun. The song itself is a gem, but another reason I am working it is because it goes beyond the normal 3-4 chord progression of many songs. It is satisfying to find more efficient ways to move between the chords. I can work my way through the song without much finger movement because some of the chord switches allow a finger to remain in place while moving from chord to chord. The F still gives me trouble, but I discovered that if I don't bother with pressing the high E it still sounds good. I have 5 different versions of the song, which I listen to with headphones while playing along. The headphones allow me to hear the bass line more clearly, and therefore zone in on the correct timing of the chord changes. My favorite version is from the Eagles (a band I normally hate) because they skip the lyrics and have a wicked lead. Jimi Hendrix has a fun version, along with him getting off key for a few notes, but unfortunately it is not in the key of A. To summarize, I believe progress is still happening because I am spending time with the instrument - perhaps it is inevitable that I would get to know the guitar simply from being with it and letting the relationship flow where it may. It still requires an effort - to pick it up and work with it, but once the habit is formed it becomes a ride down a lazy summer river, with destination unknown.

I left the apartment, guitar in hand. I found a comfortable way to carry it, head stock facing the sky, which allowed me to pluck the strings with my thumb in rhythm with my stride. When I passed Wat Chedi Luang I had the urge to sit on the small stone bench looking upon the ancient elephant chedi. The wat dogs picked up their ears, a black cat sitting next to a golden Buddha gazed reflectively in my direction, while I created sounds to complement the song birds flitting about in the nearby trees. A man walked by and gave me a thumbs up, then returned a short while later, parsing together a few English words to let me know he needed money for a red truck for a ride home. I gave him 40 baht, and a few minutes later he returned with a friend, saying he also needed 40 baht for a ride home. I handed over another 40, and they thanked me. They were young and wild looking, with fresh tattoos covering the length of their forearms, and a somewhat jaded, yet passionate light which glossed over their dark eyes. When I was content with my guitar farewell, I drank water and then walked to the nearby Free Bird Cafe. The beautiful Burmese chef greeted me with an ebullient, somewhat embarrassed smile. I sat at my normal table and placed the guitar next to the old, 4-stringed blues guitar. I ordered for the last time the red curry soup with brown rice and the blueberry smoothie. Maria walked out from the office for one final talk. I told her what little plans I have (I have given small thought to what lays ahead), and she revealed that in the fall she will be attending Harvard University for her masters. How is it that I can meet and connect with such brilliant people? When I finished my meal I read a bit from Burmese Days and then walked back to the kitchen area to pay the bill. I gave the Burmese chef and waitress a 300 baht tip for all of the good food and service these past few months. They gave me big smiles and then both did a wai. I peeked into Maria's office and said farewell, and was touched that she wanted a hug. Walking out into the high morning heat I felt a sense of loss, but also ready for a new day in a new land. I stopped at Tops to pick up some sushi for the evening, when I was standing at the cashier's counter a man behind me asked if I was Irish. Not having red hair, I wondered why he thought this. I replied I was American, and asked him where he was from. "America, too", he said, and added, "you've got this handsome Irish look to you" he said with a smile. I gave a small laugh and thanked him. I don't think the Irish are known for their good looks, and I know I am lacking in that area, so perhaps it was my glowing fitness which made him think I was Irish?

In two days I will be on a sprinter train travelling south to Bangkok.

Three months in Chiang Mai coming to an end - balcony sunsets, songs of myna birds, running in thick morning heat under cool water of sprinklers, eating pad thai and sushi with a glass bottled Coke from Tops, laying in bed under a mosquito net listening to the rusty squeaking of the night birds - a Chiang Mai farewell.

Letter to Rachel - Burmese Days

The heat rolled from the earth like the breath of an oven. The flowers, oppressive to the eyes, blazed with not a petal stirring, in debauch of sun. The glare sent a weariness through one's bones. There was something horrible in it - horrible to think of that blue, blinding sky, stretching on and on over Burma and India, over Siam, Cambodia, China, cloudless and interminable.

George Orwell, from Burmese Days

Dear Rachel,

Accomplished the Myanmar border run. Survived the 4:30 am walk without incident, the bus ride to Mae Sai was beautiful, lots of mountain passes, but I got motion sickness and was lucky not to barf on my feet. Upon arrival at Mae Sai a red truck was waiting next to the bus and a bunch of us got in, 10 minutes later we were dropped off at the bridge. I crossed into Myanmar, went into a room with a red curtain, got my passport stamped, then decided to walk a bit in Tachileik. After getting off the bridge I turned into a side soi filled with market stalls and was immediately accosted by vendors carrying cigarettes, viagra, and ganja. They would not take no for an answer, so I told them I was sick and needed to sit down. I sat on a curb for a few minutes, then walked back to the bridge and sat a bit longer. I decided it would be a long time before I was in Burma again and got up the courage to go into town in search of water, as it was 105 degrees and I needed to soak my head. I avoided the market sois and walked on a main road and found a little shop and bought a bottle of water for 10 baht, surprised that they accepted Thai money. Having scored water I walked back to the bridge but before entering Thai immigration a young, good looking Burmese man stopped me and offered to take me on a tour of Burma. I told him I had to catch a bus in 2 hours but he tried to convince me we could do plenty during that time. I told him I was sick and needed to rest, so he let me go. He said his name was Bruno and he would see me the next time I was in Burma. Got my Thai stamp for 15 days, then walked a few hundred meters under the pressing hand of the sun and hopped a red truck (squeezed tight against big boned, merry, Thai women) back to the bus station in Mae Sai. Waited a couple hours, sitting in the open air station drinking Chang beer, eating dried seaweed and fresh cut pineapple (first food of the day). Bus ride back was long, I tried hard not to get motion sickness, saw a beautiful sunset outside the bus window. Got into Chiang Mai at 8:15pm and decided to take a red truck to Tops before it closed so I could buy some food - My nutrition for the day had been the bus station fare along with an extra beer on the bus. Found a pleasant, sincere red truck driver, or rather, he found me. As we negotiated a price a young woman (skinny legs and an Asics bag) whom I had seen from the very start of the day - she was sitting on a dreary bus station bench with her head in her hands when I arrived at 5:30am, sat across the aisle for the ride up north, rode the same red truck to the bridge, was inside the red curtain room when I arrived in Burma, sat across the aisle on the ride south - walked over and asked for a ride. I was going to ask her how her day had gone once we got into the truck, but the driver took a liking to me and offered the front seat to me, so the woman sat alone in the back of the dark truck. On the ride over to Tops I asked the driver if he was soon getting off work, he replied I was to be his last ride. After a long pause he added that his wife drove a tuk tuk, and they had both started their work day at 3:30am! When I got to Tops I bought sushi, pad thai and a coke (I am drinking coke again because they sell it in small glass bottles - tastier than coke in a plastic bottle, which I won't drink). After eating I crashed in bed and woke up this morning feeling fresh as a daisy :)

Instead of buying the Kerouac book I decided on Orwell's Burmese Days, odd coincidence because his descriptions of Burma in April helped me see things a bit clearer. He mentions the habit the Burmese have of chewing betel quid, and when I was in Tachileik one of the vendors flashed a smile filled with moist, red teeth. The book is very good so my reading selection thus far has been lucky.

I have one week left in Chiang Mai. I will be donating my guitar to Free Bird Cafe and taking my running shoes to Bali. I reserved a hotel near Lumphini Park from May 1-3, and have a 2 day reservation in Kuta. I will have to decide what to do after that. I will miss Chiang Mai, not so much for the city itself, but the comfort from having gotten to know a bit of it. The lesson learned is familiarity brings a sense of security and ease, but it can lead to resisting a departure from the known.

Hope you had a good weekend.

Love, Jim

ps - pictures from the border run included

3:05:56.04

"Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness and dies by chance."

Nausea

22 minutes across Huay Kaew Road

1 hour 32 minutes up the mountain

3 minutes ascending the steps of Wat Doi Suthep

3 minutes descending the steps of Wat Doi Suthep

5 minutes eating pineapple and drinking orange juice

1 hour down the mountain.

Raining and Running

After 9 weeks of dryness the past few evenings have been wet and cool. Today the rain crept silently down the mountain while I played guitar, the sun still up and although I had just eaten a snack and was determined to rest, I could not resist the temptation to run through the streets, so I quickly slipped on shoes and emerged into the cool dusk, the drops heavy and within seconds was drenched. I could see blue skies above the mountains as I turned onto the road leading to the fitness park, and the sun was before me, the streets golden as the rain fell heavily. When it stopped a few minutes later I finished looping the park and began the way home, happy and feeling recovered from a tough week of exercise.

I had my ipod along for the ride and this was an error, it died and as I sit here writing I gaze at the screen, a black horizontal strip the only sign of life - ughhh.

Lonesome Traveler

Crazy, funny, terrible energy today!

Woke before the sun rose, the rains came again and washed everything clean. The mountain was clear as ice, clouds covering the center. I got out the door as the sky was changing into pink, running to the Muni. I am becoming familiar with things - streets, buildings, people, dogs, birds - it feels like home. I arrive at the Muni in 16 minutes, splash water on my head and stretch a bit. After walking a lap, I begin - 200-300m hard, followed by 200-300m easy, until exhaustion.

Yesterday morning I walked to the fitness park and did 12 sets of exercises and wanted to return in the evening but had the discipline to hold back, so I was hoping the days rest did some good. My legs now felt 90%, everything else being perfect - breathing, energy, strength. What a difference 25 degrees makes - ! - instead of noontime 95 degree heat it was a cloudy cool 70. The first intervals were crisp and I was looking forward to slowing, the stride degrading, weakness setting in. The air was humid and my hair damp. Half way through I decide to run hard for 6 1/2 minutes. When I stopped I was not very tired but the stop watch read 44 minutes, which seemed plenty for intervals. I walked a couple times around the track, sipping water, feeling strong. I did a few sets of exercises and walked home wrapped in a tightly held euphoria.

I expected to shower and head to Tops for breakfast, but after freshening up it was only 9:00 and instead of being tired I felt as if I had yet to do anything, so I decided to walk to the Arcade bus station using a new route. I am concerned the original route will be too risky at 4:30am. I felt no hunger as I started walking, the air breezy and light. I arrived at the station, stall 21, in 70 minutes, the new route being more pleasant and safe. I plan to leave the apartment at 4:30am, should arrive by 5:45. 15 minutes isn't much of a cushion but if I am delayed I can run to the station if needed.

On the walk back I pass the Pagoda Inn again and then cross into a street which is new to me and I find two bookshops. I step into one and pick out Kerouac's Lonesome Traveler. I want to buy it until I see the price, $8.50. I put the book back, thinking “fuck it, I will write my own Lonesome Traveler story.” I know that once Nausea is finished I will be returning to buy the book.

I wasn't planning on eating at the Free Bird but I am only a couple blocks away so I decide some nutrition would be a good idea. I don't want to visit too often because of a superstition I have - the more I see of someone or someplace, the greater the chance of something going wrong. When I arrive the cute Burmese chef is relaxing on the steps, she smiles wide and says hello, I say something goofy, unsure if it is afternoon or morning, which makes her laugh. She asks for my order and I walk to the shaded garden and sit down, still feeling lively and strong.

As I wait for my order I hear someone speaking and when I look up a Thai man stands at my table, holding what looks like a small jar of green paint. “60 baht” he says. I look at the jar, then at him, and tell him I do not know what it is. “50 baht” he replies. Lowering the price does nothing for me because I do not need a jar of green paint. I shake my head and he opens the jar, motioning for me to smell it, and I guess it to be a substance which is applied to the flesh because it reminds me of the 7th grade basketball locker room, the star players rubbing Ben Gay onto their sore legs. I rub my hand back and forth on my arm and he nods. I tell him no, and he replies “40 baht”. I quickly determine that I do not want him going lower than 40 baht, and remembering earlier in the day when I gave a passing beggar 20 baht, I pull out two 20 baht notes. The man takes the money but does not leave. A pretty girl walks by us and he places his index finger next to his crotch and points it up, then down - he is making a sexual reference, but what is he referencing - does he want to fuck the girl that just walked by, or is he a pimp who sells jars of green Ben Gay on the side? I manage a weak smile and he answers my confusion by pulling a package of brown tablets from his pocket, all the while motioning his finger up and down again. Now I understand - he wants to sell me a Thai version of Viagra. Do I really look like a man who can't get it up? I shake my head no, depressed by this thought, and he wanders off.

When I get home I take a nap, and upon waking decide to do a daily double and run to the fitness park for a 32 minute run in late afternoon heat. After 5 sets of exercises I walk to Tops and buy a supper of sushi, yogurt, and kiwi juice. As I wait in line at the bakery counter to buy a kiwi/peach/cherry topped danish, euphoric bliss oozing through my pores, a beautiful dark skinned woman turns to look at me. I ignore her, but she continues to turn and stare. She is with a friend who is paying for bakery items, and the woman says to her friend, "this man needs to pay for his food". Her friend turns around and gives me a quizzical look - yes, I need to pay for my food, and now you think I am an impatient bastard. I decide to look at the pretty woman and she smiles, and I explain that I am in no hurry - when she turns away I am happy I made the effort to look at her.

Arriving home in the late glow of dusk, I shower and as I am drying off a storm rolls in, knocking out the power. I eat my sushi and yogurt in the subdued light of a wet and cloudy evening. When I finish I pick up my guitar and strum to the beat of the rain, mosquitoes nipping at my legs and I hear loneliness slipping into the room. I get into bed, laying beneath the mosquito net, listening to the rain, thinking of time, the dark woman's smile, my lonely existence, and death. I lay there for what seems like hours, almost, almost, grasping the essence of my life. I become weary when the rain stops and close my eyes, another day lost to the past, the next one soon to escape the shadows of the future.

Take that, Jack Kerouac.

The Self-Taught Man

"The Self-Taught Man came close enough to breathe in my face.

'I won't tell you anything in front of this man,' he said in confidence. 'If you would, Monsieur...'

'Would what?'

He blushed and his lips swayed gracefully.

'Monsieur, ah, Monsieur: all right, I'll lay my cards on the table. Will you do me the honour of lunching with me on Wednesday?'

'With pleasure."

I had as much desire to eat with him as I had to hang myself."

Strange thoughts have been arriving lately. I sense changes inside of me. Perhaps the small, almost forgotten idea from Nausea is true - I should have taken detailed notes before I left so that I could remember what I had once been. No matter, the contents of Nausea speaks for what is happening - "I looked anxiously around me : the present, nothing but the present. Furniture light and solid, rooted in its present, a table, a bed, a closet with a mirror - and me. The true nature of the present revealed itself : it was what exists, and all that was not present did not exist. The past did not exist. Not at all. Not in things, not even in my thoughts."

Rachel, when learning of the books I have been lately carrying around, wrote, "sounds like more fun and giggles in reading material", and although said in jest, is true. I am being led into a state of innocence and freedom, not unlike my childhood. I walk the streets with a hard to suppress smile, am light and carefree as in my 12th year, summer vacation. I have somehow recaptured a state of mind which has long been missing - enveloped with confidence, freedom, truth, the present, the thoughts and actions of the world laying on the ground like a squashed insect - something to marvel over, and then discard. Perhaps I am going a bit mad, thinking like a child, but it is a finely balanced feat, mixing youth and age - an intoxicating drink when taken in moderation.

And then I return to Nausea and find : "I am only too glad to feel pity for other people's troubles, that will make a change. I have no troubles, I have money like a capitalist, no boss, no wife, no children; I exist, that's all. And that trouble is so vague, so metaphysical that I am ashamed of it."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I told myself I would not run today, but when I was at the fitness park at dawn doing 12 sets of exercises my legs felt strong. I decided after to walk to the Free Bird for breakfast and when I returned I took a nap. I woke, put my running shoes on and ran back to the fitness park at 2:00pm. The day was smog free, so clear I could see individual trees on the mountain. I have been running in thick smog for eight weeks, how will I react to fresh air? The heat was strong, every 3 loops I stood at a sprinkler with arms outstretched, waiting for my skin to glisten in cool water. I decided to run intervals at the 20 minute mark because I did not feel like running slow for 55 minutes. Surprisingly I could control both heat and speed, off on off on, I stopped at 46 minutes not because I was tired, but because I did not want to run 55 minutes. I did some exercises and felt fatigue in my legs - speed kills - so tomorrow, finally, I may take a break.

Comfort

I am feeling a comfort in Chiang Mai which is allowing me to focus on my running and fitness. Having been here ten weeks I no longer feel the need to daily explore the streets because I have found little pockets of quiet and beauty which I like to often visit. There is much about the city I do not know, and if I were to be here longer I would eventually get around to looking into those places.

With only three weeks left here I am concentrating on improving my fitness. The more fit I am the better I feel, both physically and mentally, so I am working almost as hard as when I was in the best shape of my life five years ago. I have run 4 consecutive days, and have been at the fitness park twice a day during that time. I am increasing the number of reps for exercises, today I did 12 sets in the morning, and 4 more in the afternoon after my 52 minute run in noon time heat.

Songkran starts in eight days, and from what I have read it is water gun bedlam for four days. I plan to run everyday during that time in the late morning. That is one reason I have been running in the afternoon heat the last two weeks, to get ready for the Songkran madness! It is going to be amazing fun because there is nothing better than getting sprayed with cold water while running on a hot day. I spoke with Maria about it and she seems a bit frightened of the festival, and is considering leaving Chiang Mai for a week. She mentioned that her guest house manager offered to lock her in her room during the day so that she would be safe from the revelers :)

With Songkran and the run up Doi Suthep soon to arrive, my fitness is above average and I am beginning to work harder and longer each day to achieve new gains. It is hard to believe that I feel just as good as when I was 25. I do not know how long good health can last in a lifetime, but I plan to use every last bit until it decides to give up the ghost.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I was finishing up a walk at the fitness park yesterday when I felt a sharp pebble in my shoe. I sat down and took off the shoe and instead of shaking a pebble loose, I found that I had stepped onto a rusty nail and it had wedged straight into the heal. This had happened to me once before during a 24 mile winter run in Urbana, and Rachel used a pair of pliers to pry it loose.

I tried to pull the nail out with my fingers but it was too deeply embedded. I decided to walk home and try to remove the nail with my "nail" clippers. The nail was protruding slightly into the shoe so I would have to walk home barefoot on the hot and dirty asphalt. When I reached the fitness park exit I decided I would stop at the nearby guardhouse and ask the guard if he had a tool to remove it. I am not sure why I thought he would, but the numerous guards I see in Chaing Mai seem bored and sleepy, so he might like to be challenged with something other than listening to bird calls and watching passersby. When I arrived at his shack I pointed to my shoe and he was friendly and smiled. He took the shoe and walked to his scooter next to the shack, popped the gas compartment and pulled out a small tool. He tried to pry it loose but had trouble gripping the nail, he then pulled out a socket wrench and used both tools simultaneously and after 30 seconds the nail was removed! I thanked him and he appeared pleased to have helped.

Today on my run to the fitness park I made sure to look into the shack as I passed so that I could wave to the guard - he was sitting there, smiling with a wide grin as we greeted each other :)

Go

I don't know what I am doing to have earned the amount of energy I currently have, maybe it is the fresh squeezed kiwi juice, sushi, and yogurt that I eat daily? Or just dumb luck?

I ended up going to the fitness park yesterday evening, doing 5 or 6 sets of exercises, then a walk around the grounds. The sun was setting behind the mountains when I decided to take a seat at the fountain and admire the view. I felt so strong and vital, I could not help but to be happy and content. I watched the soft blue sky and the pink clouds grow dimmer as people played badminton, runners chugged along, 2 toy dogs ran past, one with a leg in a cast?!, I started to laugh and the owner was laughing too at the sight of the dog with the outstretched, stiff leg trying to keep up with his playmate.

Along with the sense of physical well being, I felt completely at ease in my surroundings, had no desire to be anywhere else but the fitness park in Chiang Mai at dusk. I can recall only a handful of times in my life when everything has fallen into such an order that it fits my description of harmony and bliss. It has not as much to do with the external, what is more important is how I am perceiving and processing all of the sensory data which is streaming into me. If I think back to those few times of bliss the one thing in common is the extreme sense of freedom which I imagine myself to be in possession of - a freedom which does not hinge upon what is happening out in the world, but rather inside of my brain. This inner harmony is rare and fleeting, but for it to be even possible is somewhat of a miracle, and I consider myself lucky to have experienced it a few times.

This morning I got up at dawn and walked to the fitness park and did 10-12 sets of exercises, walked a bit around the grounds, then stopped at Domino Cafe for breakfast, which was a bit of a let down because the hash browns were those nasty McDonald's style crap - the frozen, flat, rectangular potatoes submerged in a half gallon of hot cooking oil. I took one bite and decided not to eat any more of it. At least the eggs and the pancakes were decent. When I approached the counter to pay the owner immediately commented on the hash browns, were they not good? What was wrong with them? I was not expecting this type of reaction, but I tried to answer as best I could, saying that there are different types of hash browns, that I like the fresh cubed potatoes fried lightly in pan oil, and that the type on my plate gave me stomach problems (an exaggeration). She then asked if I wanted to take them home in a bag, I laughed to myself as I told her I did not need to take it home with me.

Later in the morning I began to feel another wave of energy, and after coming home from Tops with some food and drink, I decided to go to the fitness park and do a run in the noon time heat. It would be my first back to back run since I began training two months ago. My legs felt a bit fatigued when I started, but everything else was fine, and the heat did not bother me too much. When I arrived at the park I noticed the sprinklers were not turned on, and I knew I was going to have to take it slow and steady to last more than 15 minutes. I poured some water from my bottle over my head and began doing loops. Surprisingly I was not in too much need of the cold water from the sprinklers, I loped along with determination and felt pretty good despite how much exercise I have been doing this week. I checked the stop watch when I finished and had lasted 46 minutes. I dumped the last of my water over my head after taking a swig, and began to walk around the grounds. Two sprinklers in the garden area turned on just then and it felt so good to be drenched in cold water - I had the sensation of being tickled and could not stop laughing - I was so happy! After a 10 minute walk I did 5 sets of exercises and then walked home, looking forward to a meal of fresh squeezed kiwi juice, sushi, and yogurt.

Glow

I woke at dawn, the orange curtains pulled back a bit, revealing a thick gray sky, which I mistook for a hideous smog. I could not see the mountain, and decided to wait until the late afternoon for my run. I opened the glass door to let some air into the room and smelled rain - I put on my glasses and examined the shadowy rooftops below - little puddles scattered about. The sky was covered in a wrapping of clouds, not smog, so I decided to get out the door and enjoy the moistness of the morning.

I felt a little sluggish, and decided to run easy and short if I did not feel my energy pick up. Once I got to the fitness park I began to loosen up and my pace quickened and I began to float over the ground in an effortless stride. The air was humid and my hair became damp from the little droppings of moistness which saturated the air. I had forgotten to bring my water bottle but I soon found out I had no need for it. The recent runs under a high noon sun had made this damp morning feel cool and light. No doubt this was the main reason for the ease of the run, without the heat my body was accelerating into a high gear. My breathing was easy, stride quick, legs strong. I finished off the run with a fast 400 and had the beautiful sensation of becoming more relaxed the faster I went. I recovered 30 seconds after stopping, hardly having broken a sweat. I looked at the stop watch on my ipod and saw that I had run for 81 minutes, which could be considered a long run, but since I ran 90% of it at a fast pace called it an extended tempo run.

When I got back to the apt I felt light and strong, and decided to walk 2 miles to the Free Bird for a Sunday Breakfast. I saw Lisa and she said hello and made small talk. Then Maria walked into the room and said hello, and asked how my run was. I was startled by this question and mentioned that her powers of observation were keen. I asked how she knew I had been running, and she replied that she could see the glow! This made me smile, indeed, I felt as if my insides were charged with a colorful power of light.

A little later I showed Maria where the fitness park was on my map because she expressed an interest in running there. To further persuade her I sent her an email with the 20 pictures I took of the fitness park a few days ago, telling her it was more pleasant than the treadmill.

I am now back at my apartment and am feeling a high level of energy. I have the desire to return to the fitness park in the late afternoon for more exercise, but maybe I should hold off until tomorrow morning.

March Wrap Up

Expenses in March were $120 more than in February. I had to pay for a visa extension ($65), a bus ticket for a future visa run ($12), and electric ($30), so basic day to day expenses remained at $10 per day. Below is the breakdown :

Daily Average of money Spent - March
	10.75
	10.12
	6.74
	8.14
	4.74
	7.57
	12.02
	0.00
	18.77
	7.27
	12.55
	1.80
	16.20
	7.65
	9.22
	10.45
	7.49
	11.10
	8.05
	6.52
	8.04
$65 - Visa Extension	71.73
	11.21
	18.03
	15.53
	9.32
	10.95
	11.50
	0.00
$12.22 - Bus Ticket for Visa Run	28.49
	6.97
Total Daily Money Spent in March -	$368.92
Daily Average from March 1 - 31
368.92/31 = $11.90 per day
Rent for March - $281.38 (paid on 3/2/12)
Total Money Spent in March - $281.38 + 368.92 = $650.30 My overall experience for the month was positive, as I am getting into better physical condition as I train for the run up Doi Suthep. I am becoming more comfortable in Chiang Mai and I have forged small, but meaningful connections with people and places - the two women at Tops Cafe who make my $1 pad thai lunch; the street side cobbler who I say hello to on occasion; the fruit vendor one block from the Dome where I buy fresh cut pineapple for 30 cents; the people I meet at the fitness park; and hanging out at the Free Bird once or twice a week where I eat a good meal and sometimes speak with Maria. As I read through Nausea, and all of the other books since arriving in Thailand, the events and ideas in my own life are reflected in the stories, giving me an odd sense of synchronicity, but synchronized with what? My ideas about the purpose and reasons for coming to Thailand have become more solid, giving me the confidence to continue. Traveling to places is secondary to the inner journey - wandering, observing, connecting in a way which is unique to my position in time and space. I have no interest in most of the things which tourists do when they come to Chiang Mai, and the fitness park, which is the place I go to everyday, is empty of westerners. I have created a painting of Chiang Mai and I have taken my place inside of it - I will miss it when the time comes to leave.