There have been a few times in my life when a relationship I have with a person is based on a sequence of misunderstandings, until finally the weight of the misperception is directed into a bout of anger and revenge. I have experienced both sides, sometimes as the giver, other times as receiver. Fortunately these intense moments of anguish have been few. I try hard not to live in anger, and it is a fine line to walk when following one's heart while at the same time being mindful of the the desires and feelings of others.
Robert's letter contained insults, false perceptions, faulty logic, and one zen quote. All of the venom was directed at me, a lowly 4 month student of the guitar. It was a bolt from the blue because in our face to face lessons he was always pleasant and patient, never saying an unkind word.
He was angered by my audacity to question the value and effect his lessons were having upon me. For our 5th lesson I wrote out a 1 page summary of the previous 5 weeks guitar work. At the end of the summary I mentioned that knowing that Robert was going to move to Chicago in a couple of months, I had decided that at that time I would not go to another teacher, as I believed by that point I should be able to make progress working on my own. To help clarify my decision I gave examples of numerous activities which I had learned without the aid of a teacher.
I gave this summary to Robert at the beginning of our lesson, to read while I tuned my guitar. I wanted him to know all that I had learned, what my practice sessions contained, and my decision to go solo once he left for Chicago. He gave no indication of displeasure, and we then began the lesson.
The next day he sent a letter to me explaining how someone who cannot even hold a guitar correctly in his lap should not be giving advice and direction to the teacher. That I am stubborn for not wanting to practice picking and counting rhythms, and was wrong for using outside sources to supplement his teaching. He wrote that I always showed up early and stayed past the ending lesson time. That had I listened to half of what he had said in the lessons I would be much further along in my playing. He then wrote that he ripped up my check paying for the next set of 4 lessons, and because of my poor attitude and bad practice habits decided he was no longer going to teach me.
Stunned, I reread the letter and decided that because I respected him as a teacher, it would be best to respond to his letter in order to clarify and express my view of things. If I did not like him or considered him a terrible person, I would not waste my time with a response, but this was not the case, so I sat down for a few hours and composed a letter in which I hoped contained no counter insults or false statements.
When I was satisfied with what I had written I sent it off, and then tried to recover from the awful blow. I will probably always remember this strange and unsettling incident with a heavy heart. I liked Robert, and believed that I could make progress with his help. I wondered about my decision to write out the 5 week summary, and to share it with Robert. I realize I was not showing much respect for teaching methods in general when I stated that it was possible to learn independently, but it is how I feel, and I believe that honesty always wins out in the end.
The loss of the lessons don't bother me much, as I believe I can still make progress if I work hard. What does bother me is the always present potential for misunderstandings which lead to hurtful things said and done.
