I spent the weekend reflecting on the disintegration of my private guitar lessons. I am still in shock at how badly I was misunderstood, and realize that I did something to offend my teacher. I also know that any words or actions of mine which caused him harm were unintentional. I try my best not to say or do harmful things, but sometimes fail, like everyone else. I have learned how to forgive myself when such things occur, and to move forward in peace and love. Living in the past filled with guilt is not a proper way to experience life, and so I will try my best to put this behind me.
I did not play the guitar on Friday, and very little on Saturday, as I was feeling too unsettled to do so. I instead practiced meditation, hoping to calm my heart and mind. Yesterday I felt the absence of the guitar, so picked it up in the evening and was happy to practice a bit with it.
I was wondering how my mind would react to making mistakes. After being insulted by someone who is aware of my quest, telling me basically that I suck and will never be any good, it would be easy to fall into the trap of wanting to prove him wrong. However, I know that is an error in attitude, and admitted to myself that it does not matter if I suck and will never be any good. The goal of this quest is not to be good at the guitar, it is simply to play and see what happens. That was the same goal with photography - make pictures and see what happens. If I happen to be the least talented and most awful guitar player in the universe, so be it, I am fine with that.
What is important is that I love what I do, and I do love the mystery of making sounds with strings. In that frame of mind, not many negative thoughts entered my head as I practiced. I was using the classical guitar, finger picking another simple G/C/D combination, when I made sounds that reminded me of the song We are Going to be Friends by the White Stripes. I was curious to know what the chord sequence was to the song, so I stopped my practice to look it up on the internet. I discovered that the chord sequence was indeed G/C/D. I watched a couple of youtube videos describing how to play the song, wrote down the lyrics, returned to my studio, and an hour later knew how to play and sing the song.
I felt happy and proud when I finished that my attitude was positive, that I was able to leave my teacher in the past, and in doing so was rewarded in the present with an inspiring session. My voice is getting better, and I am becoming more skilled in knowing when to change the pitch to match the timing of the chord changes. The fact that I have always loved this song made me happy to know that I can now play it whenever I desire.
