First Steps

Miko Sushi

The past week I experienced the ups and downs of cutting a new path. I was able to meditate each day before going to work, one of the mornings for only 5 minutes. But even 5 minutes of sitting sets a routine which the mind will eventually become addicted to - I simply need to break an old set of addictions and forge new ones.

It seems simple enough, but some addictions are so strong that dismantling a home which has been lived in for a decade would be preferable to changing the habits and patterns of the mind. The startling thing about human nature, though, is its ability to shape reality - with enough effort and belief doors, hitherto unknown, begin to appear, keys eventually stumbled upon, and a threshold into a new world crossed.

I also meditated in the afternoons and evenings. Walking around town I attempt to remain mindful of my breath and this has slowed down my striding pace, which has led to seeing things which I normally would pass by.

Thus far my mind has been filled with too many useless thoughts and desires, so progress has been slow. My expectations need to be shortened - instead of a lengthy chain of calm moments, a single breath movement where the mind is at ease can be considered improvement.

Yesterday while meditating I experienced the first insight of my quest. In an attempt to strengthen my compassion for all living things I imagined taking the suffering from my sister (she is currently undergoing cancer treatment) and breathing it into my heart, where it would then dissolve. I of course do not believe that the actual suffering will be alleviated, but the exercise will hopefully accustom my mind to feeling the suffering of others. As I breathed in, imagining the suffering filling my lungs, my upper body shuddered with an odd sensation of warm illumination. The feeling soon faded and I imagined my dog's suffering (she is losing the function of her back legs), breathing it into my lungs. I again felt my body filling with light and warmth and it too soon faded.

My mind, remembering these startling sensations, is now more determined to meditate. I must break the addictions of my past life link by link, replacing them with more positive stimulants.