I walked back using the road I entered Chiang Mai on my first day in town. I passed the Pagoda Inn and was struck by how much I have experienced since that day. A few drops of nostalgia sharpened my memory as I crossed the mote and almost got hit by a car because I was examining those memories instead of the light outside of me. Safely back in the old part of town I decided to stop at the Free Bird for an early lunch. Before arriving I passed a shop which sold handmade books, and I decided to pay 100 baht for one. After I placed it in my bag and began walking, I wondered why I needed the book, as it was just going to take up space in my pack when I am on the road. When I arrived at the Free Bird it was 9:15am, and since they do not open until 9:30 I walked to Wat Chiang Man a couple blocks away and sat on a bench near the elephant chedi. I took the book out of my bag and decided that I would use it to write down my impressions of things. I began to write :
Bus Station
Slanted morning light
mixed with dust
and charcoal smoke
follows me in the street.
Wandering, in search of
the Arcade bus depot,
my body strengthened
as the hazy red ball of
fire in the sky
erases the memories
of dream and sleep.
Three puppies refuse to ignore
my loping presence,
with trepidation approach,
their tongues extracting
the sweat of my skin.
Lanky, crooked buildings
with garish pinks and
blues lead me forward,
crossing the Ping River,
the buses looming, sleepy faces
pressed on darkened windows.
In the quiet, green shade
of the station, a pretty girl sits
gazing out into the brightness
as the toilet attendant,
bent over and tired,
watches us.
When I finished writing I walked to the Free Bird. The two Burmese girls who work there greeted me and after ordering green curry with brown rice and a pineapple shake I picked up one of their guitars and noticed someone had tuned it well. I began to play for a few minutes, and when I was satisfied I read a bit of Nausea. Someone walked in and I heard her speaking to me, I looked up and saw that it was the owner of the Free Bird, Lisa. This was the first time I had spoken to her, and she complimented me on my playing. I told her when I leave Chiang Mai next month I will be donating my guitar to the Free Bird. This led to a friendly conversation, and she sat at my table and I was spell bound by all of things which she shared.
When she got up to leave I realized that I had just spoken with a great humanitarian. I ate my meal in silent reflection, thinking of the wonderful and horrible things of which she spoke. Maria then entered the cafe, smiled, her face bright and magnetic, and said hello. Somehow we got into a conversation and she too sat down and we talked of various things. I found myself in hyper listening mode, something which Rachel would have been proud of. Spending numerous days with no human interaction makes the rare times when it occurs special and intense. I discovered that Maria is a runner and is training for her first marathon. She asked me if I had read the book Born to Run, and when I told her yes, mentioned that I loved running in nature and had run a few long distance events in recent years. I described my 50 mile experience, the heavy, sweet euphoria the reward for having run from sun up to sun down. I mentioned that before leaving Chiang Mai I planned to run up the mountain to Wat Doi Suthep. She seemed surprised, and after reflecting for a few moments told me it was a great idea, and now she too wanted to do this. I smiled, pleased that I had planted a cool running idea into her consciousness.
We covered other topics, and as we talked I was aware that without trying, or even desiring it, I was beginning to slowly connect with someone. I can sever this connection easily enough, simply by no longer showing up at the Free Bird, but do I want to? My goal is to wander free, but I am not in a blank universe, a ghost spirit who is unable to break the glassy ether - I am part of this world, and when something good arrives I will accept it. The simple connection I have with Maria warms my heart, and I find it to be as beautiful and sublime as the light which steeps the world in infinite color. Sometimes when I am floating through the streets, high on beauty and freedom, I wonder, why her? Is it a male/female attraction, or something else? I listen for the answer and my inside vibrates - a long, harmonious, ringing chord. This melodic harmony is the strongest thing I can feel for someone, and may be a clue of social deficiency because I rarely feel it for people. I sometimes wonder if the people I feel it for experience something similar - if they do not it would appear this harmony is not directly connected to their life, but rather just an idea I have about them. Then I wonder if there is anything I am supposed to do.
When I left the Free Bird there was a lot for me to ponder, and the walk home went quickly. I turned into a small alley a quarter mile from the Dome. One of the shacks in this alley is home to Vincent van Gogh, who is alive and well and residing in Chiang Mai. I gazed at his paintings hanging in the deep shadows of his tin shack - bright iris flowers in a yellow vase, a field with crows, boats on a shore, and the most startling, one of his early paintings when he was living in The Hague, passersby in a dark morning storm.
As I walked away from the tin shack, not having seen the painter of these masterpieces, I thought about Nausea - when something important happens to me, I read about it in the book the next day or week. An example from today's reading at the Free Bird : "The past is a landlord's luxury. Where shall I keep mine? You don't put your past in your pocket; you have to have a house. I have only my body : a man entirely alone, with his lonely body, cannot indulge in memories; they pass through him. I shouldn't complain : all I wanted was to be free."
When I got home I was surprised to be full of energy. After having walked 7 miles across a desolate stretch of town, written an impression, conversed deeply with two people, and gazed at the paintings of Vincent van Gogh, I was expecting to be ready for a nap. Not about to complain for feeling vital and healthy, I put on my running shoes and went to the fitness park at high noon, readying for another bout of heat training. I was able to go 53 minutes with a hard effort at the end, soaking myself in the sprinklers every 2 loops.
